Friday, December 10, 2010

waiting/ looking forward.....

We finally found out today, after much waiting, that our son's attorney will finally meet with the judge, along with the prosecutor, on Tuesday, to see if D's bond can be amended, allowing him to go to Florida for treatment. The prosecutor seems pretty set on not letting it who knows what will be. D NEEDS to get out of here and work on his recovery...D says that himself,..he WANTS to go ! Funny though(not ha ha type funny) the same time, he's still using,...although "trying" to not use,...but not at a meeting tonight either. :( He did go and check in for his first time (currently, not first IOP ever) with the IOP guy, who's told him he does need to go to NA meetings now he's planning to start doing that "tomorrow", as well as drinking a LOT of water for his next drug test. He told me that he actually hates using....but on the way to use...he gets "all excited about it". KNOW how sick this makes me to describe. Yet...he said that as soon as he begins to use (cocaine)....he gets down, hates it....doesn't even like it, but is compulsive about doing it again. It's all just so sick. And, as much as I truly HATE saying this here, but somehow feel like I should,...he stole $60 from my purse a couple of days ago. I know...he should be put out of here,...but I keep thinking he's leaving in a few days (we're hoping),so we haven't made him leave now. I realize how lame this sounds. (We have put him out of the house in the past....and he's had over 100 days clean in the past....not that long, but still) And in the meantime....he just tells me how miserable he is every day. I know he is, but then makes me feel the same way, miserable. Last night, he stayed up all night,doing drugs, alone,...'til 7 a.m. this morning (he told me today when I got home from work),...slept 'til 5 p.m. today. It's all just so dark, pathetic, times, surreal. Please don't tell me how sick and out of control he is....I know. And I know how enabling this current situation appears as well. I just want him to be able to leave and go to treatment...and have a chance. It often feels hopeless. He has gone to 3 treatment centers before....he's been an addict since he was 15,..and now this is where we are. In the meantime, I pray. Thank God for these blogs...reading others' blogs and being able to know we're not alone. So few people I know really know the actual specifics of drug addiction,....lucky them.


  1. I know what you mean. I did not know anything about drugs before I found out my daughter is an addict. How naive I was. I thought that the first time she went to treatment, she'd be fine, until she got kicked out a week later for fraternizing. I was lucky that she did not live at home anymore. She only came to visit and always played the good girl, like going to meetings, talking about going to law school, hanging out with me at the mall (you get the picture). I acutally paid for her to take the LSAT twice and bought her the books to study for it, and she did not show up to take the test. No, Lori, you are not alone. Our journeys may be different, but it is really all the same in a heartbreaking, disgusting kind of way. Hugs and prayers for you. Hopefully, he will be able to go and you can enjoy Christmas knowing he is in a safe place.

  2. So today is Tuesday.. was there good news today for you and your son? It's so darn difficult... My daughter is the same age and rehab 4 or 5 times now.. one of them has to 'click' for these young kids.

  3. we haven't heard yet....trying to be patient. I finally e-mailed the attorney's paralegal at the end of the day, even tho' she said she'd let us know right away. She'll even e-mail back in the evening so I'm hoping she does,otherwise, we hope to know in the morning....quite frustrating. thanks for asking. I appreciate your concern.