Just wondering who's experienced this........nothing new, as D has been this way his whole life, ,...but even though your addict has been lying to you and /or manipulating (or at least trying to) you for a long time now.........does he/she (the addict you love), not necessarily trust you ?? Meaning,...when you tell him/her that you'll do something for your addict , do they keep reminding you or asking you about it..dare I say, nag ? Basically, through his/her actions and words....is it obvious that they're not going to be SURE that you'll follow through on what you'd said you'd do ? It's just so incredibly backward...for WE are the ones that they've been always able to count on....to do what we'd said we'd do,....show up when we said we would,...etc. etc..
At first....I was thinking that it's because the addict is himself/herself, so not trustworthy...for so long...usually years. But, at least with my son.....he's always been like this (and I mean ALWAYS) ,...way before he ever touched any kind of "substance" to alter his state of mind. It appears (for my son, anyway) to be a function of what's always been his inherent anxiety.....and that's the common factor that I keep reading and hearing about with others that have become addicts. : (
Our son showed anxiety from the age of 2 .....this is all so physical and biological. : (
What are your thoughts ??
My son has anxiety as well. He hasn't trusted anyone for years. I always thought it was because his Father would tell him he was going to pick him up and then not show up. At 3 years old he would sit in the chair and cry because once again Father stood him up.
ReplyDeleteInteresting point. Mine is so strug out right now his only anxiety is when he is coming down. Maybe his Father didn't cause it and that is just how he is.
Interesting that your son has always been like that. I know that it is a "Disease" but something makes them self medicate. I think anyway. That's what all the Pro's tell me. And since mine hasn't been sober long enough to be evaluated we don't know what the issues really are.
We adopted ourson at age 1. He came bundled with anxiety. His bio mother was bi-polar and his bio dad was an alcholic. I think DNA has alot to do with addictions. He was pre-disposed. Unfortunately we can't love our children into good health.
ReplyDeleteHe had multiple health issues when we adopted him. He had seizures, chronic ear infections, etc. Was adopted by a couple who gave him back because of health issues. His doctor told us that even at a young age he was a fighter.
I totally agree with the self-medicating. My son (clean now for 3+ year) told me he started using alcohol as early as 10 because it made him feel better. It was around this same time he was molested by his Boy Scout leader who also happened to be the local Catholic priest.
In conversations with our son he has told us "You guys didn't have a chance when you adopted me, I had emotionally shut down even though I was pre-verbal". Doctors have concurred.
When I look back at what he has been through, I thank God over and over that he was able, after seven years of hell, to get clean. To tell the truth watching him suffer so much almost made me wish his suicide attempts were successful.
I attribute his recovery to a spiritual awakening,an inner strength and the determinationto keep on fighting.
Sorry for rambling. But I hope his story encourages you both.
As for my heroin addicted daughter, well that's another story.
God Bless
My situation is like Tori's. By the time we figured out something was really wrong his abuse of substances escalated rapidly and we never got a chance to have him properly evaluated. He couldn't stay clean long enough. Where there is life there is hope.
ReplyDeleteIn prayer for all our children.
I see that in J and three of my other children as well, Oh my how this scares me.
ReplyDeleteI just realized you are not in my blog roll...I thought you were? Go figure? Is it ok if I add you?
of course Madyson, and thank you.
ReplyDeleteand I should qualify my earlier statement....it's not that our son was always a liar and manipulator....that wasn't the case. As he got into substances and became addicted, that is what came with it. :(
ReplyDeleteYaya, I'm so glad about your son's recovery, but so very sorry to hear of his abuse. That's what seems to often be the case....the predisposition of addiction prone DNA, and traumatic childhood events or abuse that can create a perfect storm to lead to addiction. Just wanted to say that I'm sorry that happened to him....it's just all too often for way too many children. It is painful to even think about. God bless your son.
Excuse me, but I think your talking about my son not yours! In other words, yep. The anxiety and the trust issues seem to be a common denominator. Its too late for all of us to "catch this" early enough to steer the away from drugs (if that's even possible), but what can other parents do when they know their child is overly anxious from an early age to hopefully keep them from starting to use drugs. ???
ReplyDeleteI don't know Barbara. :( We did catch the anxiety early on, and after having first put it off for a long time, actually had D treated for it, with medication, when he was only 10. It was almost overnight....a tremendous and powerful difference...very effective and obvious.
ReplyDeleteHowever, his impulsiveness still remained, ...typical of his ADHD, even though he was also treated for that, from an even younger age. I think if his self esteem had been better, it all may have not combined to lead him into addiction. But, even though he was medically treated for the ADHD and anxiety, in an effective way....his experimentation with substances led him into problems(understatement!), due to his predisposition to addiction via his DNA and underlying problems with self esteem. Sigh. I do know that even though it didn't work to prevent addiction for our son, parents need to seek treatment for ADHD and anxiety rather than think their child will "outgrow it"(NOT) or that it will somehow get better. And the treatment that's effective is with medication because it IS an inherent physical difference in the brain. The not knowledgeable enough media has done a huge disservice to parents in our country with their half truths about ADHD in particular. And ADHD often is seen with anxiety too...very common. ugh. What parents may not realize (those of the young kids before all of this may loom) is that kids treated with medication for ADD or ADHD are much less likely to become drug addicts than those not treated.