D is at this moment on a plane to come here. (even after his flight was cancelled at 10 p.m. last night and having to deal with what must be the most obnoxious reservation agent ever for US Air) We're anxious to see him, ....and I'm making one of his favorite dinners...his brother's coming over to eat with us, etc.. He's asked that we drive him to a meeting tonight (yay),...one that he used to go to on and off, based upon his efforts or not at recovery. I know he'll enjoy going in there clean, with the progress he's made,...but most of all, I know he feels like it'll help him handle what's coming in court on Tuesday.
I've been handling the thoughts of court and what could happen pretty well (I think), up until yesterday morning. Since then, I have begun getting anxious again, despite my effort to change my thinking around....and have faith that things will go well, even if court doesn't turn out like I hope it will. Even if he's convicted, that I can have faith in the bigger picture and D's future still going well,...that he can keep working on his recovery, etc.. I'm trying to hard to find acceptance of whatever will happen, and not fight it in my mind, if you know what I mean.
Then...this morning, as has happened another time recently....I had something happen that was another "God moment" as D and I call them. It's been happening to me more and more lately.....when I start to let fear take over, ...I get a bit of a kick in the pants to stop fearing and keep the faith and have peace....that God is handling D and hears all of our prayers....and that at some point (maybe not right now)...it will be o.k.. I'm not going into the specifics right now, but will do so at some future post when I want to share it. Things will happen that are just way more than a "coincidence",...and I feel a nudge to let the fear go and have faith.
So, for now,...I'm feeling more peaceful. I can't wait to get the whole court thing over with on Tues. morning.....and God willing,...be on a plane to Florida with my husband next Fri. night to go down and visit D during my spring break from school/work. We bought those plane tickets "as if" D will be there to visit. I'm praying to be able to use them.
Praying also for you and yours who suffer from addiction.....