Although D is doing very well right now,....and I really don't dwell on this much, it still is a sore spot at times when we come across reminders of things lost....material and otherwise. I'd imagine you all can relate to how much has been lost materially, as a by product of your loved one's addiction. I could go on and on about that, but I won't.
And what is also a sore spot is what's been lost regarding opportunities for her/him, ....to do good things, share love with family and friends (how many times did they not show up?), find their chances to succeed, in whatever or however that would happen for him/her,...the list goes on.
We're in the midst of cleaning out and reorganizing around the house now that we're empty nesters after 26 yr.s of parenting since our oldest was born. In D's old room, I came across some drumsticks,...and just that gave me a pang. His beloved drums were all pawned,...and you know why. : ( Despite having already gone through so much of a hellish journey by that point, I can so remember the day I came home and saw that they were all gone,...the drums, cymbals, stands, everything. I actually felt nauseous,...for on his worst day, he'd loved those drums...it hadn't seemed like it would come to that. It did.
I try hard to focus on the now, and look forward, especially in light of how well D's doing now,...with so much gratitude for that. He's just begun to work on step 4 in NA, and as he said to me..."I have never got that far before." He's putting forth so much effort each day and making his recovery first,..hallelujah.
Yet,...just finding a drumstick can hit my heart and I have to push myself to shake it off and get back to the now..... I wonder if I'll ever hear him drum again...I sure hope so.