I texted back and forth with D last night....he'd been struggling all day. He had a strong urge to use and was uncomfortable with the whole feeling in a big way.(isn't that always the case, discomfort?) I'm telling you...this always happens when he suddenly, for many days at a time, goes off the medicine (antidepressant) he normally takes. Then for the love of God, WHY does he let it happen AGAIN ?? Ugh ! It does help him, and most importantly, even if he wasn't going to stay on it anymore, he should NOT suddenly go off it. Doing that causes this. : ( Anyway, he was in touch with his sponsor, and at one point, was considering going over the stay the night at the sponsor's house, but ended up not doing that, and was o.k.,...at least that's what he's telling me.
It's now Sat. afternoon and I just talked with him briefly. He'd just returned from meeting a girl he knows from treatment for lunch. Apparently, she lives in Atlanta, and drove all the way from there,....a looong way, to see him. They had become good friends while in treatment together. He said that he didn't even know she was coming to see him until she was already in town and called him to get together. I asked if she knew anyone else there, in the town he lives in. He said no. I asked....well, geez, what if you were out of town for a couple of days, or had to work the entire time she is there ? Wouldn't you think she'd call and ask about that before driving all of that way ? He said, "Mom,..that's how addicts think...no prior planning. " And I thought,..yes, so true. I used to tell him(when he was doing so bad)...."You aren't thinking or planning past the end of your feet." It used to amaze me how much he couldn't/wouldn't think ahead past the hour or minute he was in....caused all kinds of problems. It was like he didn't believe that tomorrow or Monday or whatever was coming, and the thing he needed to be ready for really would happen. I'm sure you all have seen these behaviors in your addict. And the opposite is true too. Although he's not as "together" as would be helpful for his life as far as planning ahead,...he is SO much different than before in trying to get things done on time than when he was using. He'll let us know about something that will happen 2 weeks from now, or will call and make an appt. without us bugging him to do so,....things that now seem truly amazing, given how he was before.
Anyway,.... I've been praying for him to stay clean, to have some peace,...for him to stay on the good path until he feels better and can cope with feeling so uncomfortable, as he puts it. And it's funny how prayers are answered in a way that we'd never imagine. He told me that his friend from out of town is not doing well at all,...ie., using. He said that "she looks like hell", ......"like a crackwhore", even though I don't agree with his choice of terms. He said that although he hates that she's doing so badly, it was good for him to see her like that. He said that it just quickly made him see how he doesn't want to go back to that....how he wants to stay away from ever going back to that. I hope he keeps thinking of that over and over today and in the future.
Our doorbell rang and our conversation was interrupted. He said that he'll call back later...he was about to drive back to his house. I'm wondering about the girl that he knows and what will become of her. I hope he doesn't hang out with her tonight,....even though I care what happens to her too. Sigh.
I'm fortunate that Kev stays on his meds. Its so common for people (addicts or not) to get off them because they feel better - but the only reason they feel better is because they are taking them!!! I don't know why this concept is so difficult. Please tell Daniel that I am begging him to stay on his meds (lol, some weird lady out in CA is begging you to stay on your meds....) Like that would do a lot of good.
ReplyDeleteI hope this chick from out of town was SAFE. My red flag went up when I read about her. Keven has met two girls in treatment and both tried to get him to use. Not saying guys wouldn't do the same, just saying girls have the ability to "sweet talk" guys.
Hope that didn't make you worry. I should just stop here....
oh believe me....I was thinking the same thing...about the girl, even if I didn't write it specifically. I think...stay the hell away from anyone using ! On a day that D already is having an urge to use, he's in no position to be with a using addict. He's not ready to "mentor" her !
ReplyDeleteAnd, as far as the medication thing...I swear, it's even worse than you think. It's NOT that he is in any way opposed to taking his medicine...it's that he FORGETS to take it. And, even though it's administered through the house manager, if Daniel doesn't initiate getting it, they don't remind him or ask him. I do know it's HIS responsibility, but really, for someone with ADHD that already is forgetful...aagh, therein lies the problem. While I was in FLA., I myself put an alarm into his phone, that will go off daily, to prompt him to take it. I know that wasn't my job either...but I hope it works.
Thanks Barbara. And I am gonna tell him that you're begging him to stay on the medicine ! :)
UGH...Why would he meet with a girl that is actively using? I don't know your son but if it was my son I would be having a nervous breakdown right now. I admire your calm. I really need to work on that.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean Madyson. It's that he was telling me about it...and even though I totally agree with you,..when he's telling me about it, it's normally because it's o.k., meaning, he's not using or trying to get involved in it. He told me later, that she had left Atlanta (albeit temporarily) because she is trying not to use. At first, due to his often unclear way of explaining things, I thought she was alone. However, I later on learned that she came to town with a couple of girl friends. He said that he said good bye to her after they met today and isn't seeing her again. He was at an AA picnic earlier this evening....as I say....at least, that's what he's telling me. I think it is true.
ReplyDeleteAs far as calm goes....all I can say is, if you'd been through the past 4 1/2 yr.s of D hell,...this is a blip on the radar screen, as my husband would say. I'm not saying it's not important, or worrisome, just that it's all relative and we did just spend a bunch of time with him, and he was doing really well, up 'til the last couple of days, as I've written about. I think it will pass if he gets his medicine straightened out again.
I would worry too but we will always worry. It was good that he saw her like that and it isn't like he has only been sober for a couple of days. I am so impressed at his age that he is still staying in the sober house, going to meetings and trying to stay clean. I can't wait till I can write that about my son. (sigh)
ReplyDeleteMy son says he wants to be clean and then says he thinks it is unreasonable for me to want him to be because he is 20 and thats what 20 year olds do. I don't try to reason with him because I can't. I just pray and continue to study addiction. He will be arrested soon and he will go back to jail and maybe if he is lucky rehab. Either way, he will quit at least for a little while.
I am so glad that he is doing so well.
Beachteacher, it took a while and a relapse, but my Son2 had a tough time figuring out he had to completely stay away from friends that were using, even friends that might be using. He's hard headed that way, has to learn things the hard way. He could hear people tell him, and seem to agree, but in the end, he had to figure that out himself, like so many other things. He is clean today, but his counselor said to him on Good Friday, getting clean is only 12% of your recovery. So, he continues to grow, or get his head on straight as my husband would say. It's a constant and continuous process.
ReplyDeleteyes Momma, I agree with you, and ironically(from reading this post), so does my son. I guess he met her for breakfast at the restaurant because he felt bad for her, since she was having a hard time.(I'm not saying that was a good idea) But, he's never used with her, since he only knew her from rehab.. When he's been here at home, for court, since he's lived in FLA., he hasn't gone near anyone he used to be around, thank GOD. That's why he says he can't live back here, where we live,....too many triggers,...people, places,and things.
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