I texted back and forth with D last night....he'd been struggling all day. He had a strong urge to use and was uncomfortable with the whole feeling in a big way.(isn't that always the case, discomfort?) I'm telling you...this always happens when he suddenly, for many days at a time, goes off the medicine (antidepressant) he normally takes. Then for the love of God, WHY does he let it happen AGAIN ?? Ugh ! It does help him, and most importantly, even if he wasn't going to stay on it anymore, he should NOT suddenly go off it. Doing that causes this. : ( Anyway, he was in touch with his sponsor, and at one point, was considering going over the stay the night at the sponsor's house, but ended up not doing that, and was o.k.,...at least that's what he's telling me.
It's now Sat. afternoon and I just talked with him briefly. He'd just returned from meeting a girl he knows from treatment for lunch. Apparently, she lives in Atlanta, and drove all the way from there,....a looong way, to see him. They had become good friends while in treatment together. He said that he didn't even know she was coming to see him until she was already in town and called him to get together. I asked if she knew anyone else there, in the town he lives in. He said no. I asked....well, geez, what if you were out of town for a couple of days, or had to work the entire time she is there ? Wouldn't you think she'd call and ask about that before driving all of that way ? He said, "Mom,..that's how addicts think...no prior planning. " And I thought,..yes, so true. I used to tell him(when he was doing so bad)...."You aren't thinking or planning past the end of your feet." It used to amaze me how much he couldn't/wouldn't think ahead past the hour or minute he was in....caused all kinds of problems. It was like he didn't believe that tomorrow or Monday or whatever was coming, and the thing he needed to be ready for really would happen. I'm sure you all have seen these behaviors in your addict. And the opposite is true too. Although he's not as "together" as would be helpful for his life as far as planning ahead,...he is SO much different than before in trying to get things done on time than when he was using. He'll let us know about something that will happen 2 weeks from now, or will call and make an appt. without us bugging him to do so,....things that now seem truly amazing, given how he was before.
Anyway,.... I've been praying for him to stay clean, to have some peace,...for him to stay on the good path until he feels better and can cope with feeling so uncomfortable, as he puts it. And it's funny how prayers are answered in a way that we'd never imagine. He told me that his friend from out of town is not doing well at all,...ie., using. He said that "she looks like hell", ......"like a crackwhore", even though I don't agree with his choice of terms. He said that although he hates that she's doing so badly, it was good for him to see her like that. He said that it just quickly made him see how he doesn't want to go back to that....how he wants to stay away from ever going back to that. I hope he keeps thinking of that over and over today and in the future.
Our doorbell rang and our conversation was interrupted. He said that he'll call back later...he was about to drive back to his house. I'm wondering about the girl that he knows and what will become of her. I hope he doesn't hang out with her tonight,....even though I care what happens to her too. Sigh.