Monday, June 27, 2011

thank God for restrictions

This is incredible,.....D called me today....saying, that something happened,...he couldn't believe it.   One of the guys from his former sober living know, the one he was recently kicked out of,...had killed his girlfriend this past weekend !  The guy had moved out of that house a little while ago to live with his girlfriend.  The other thing is....prior to killing her, ...just hours prior,...the guy (Ben) was kicked out of his girlfriend's house, and when that happened, he called D for a ride.  Since D had recently relapsed and is on the heaviest of restriction now, D told him that he couldn't help him out.  D did ask him what happened....why was he kicked out?  He told D that he had gotten high and that was why.  D said that Ben was high when he was talking on the phone with D, and that
Ben was a crack addict, so must have been high on crack on the time. D tells me that he probably wouldn't have given him a ride anyway....but who knows.

 I am at a loss for words at the tragedy 

    Apparently, Ben went back to his girlfriend's house and then beat her with a 2 x 4, while she slept, and then strangled her.   I am at a loss for words's all so horrific.  I think of the poor girlfriend..,her family....Ben's family....Ben himself. I wonder....what is his background ? Was he abused ?What was it that drove his addiction, besides his biology ?   Could one of our kids have become Ben  ?    

    And of course, as D's mom.....what if he hadn't recently relapsed  and still had his car ?    Would he have unknowingly gone to give Ben a ride ? D gave Ben rides all the time while they both lived at the other sober living house.  Could Ben have killed D while high on crack if D said the wrong thing ?   Could D have been involved and then charged as helping Ben with getting away from the murder ?  My mind pictured all of those things today.      There but for the grace of God goes D.....      I'm just amazed at all of's all so very very sad.....

      This is a perfect (however tragic) example of the horrors of addiction......


  1. OMG! That is horrible. I hope D is handling this ok, it's a lot for him to deal with I'm thinking. It's so tragic.

    Try to keep all of those what if's away. I'm sure your head is spinning, but try...

    Take care.

  2. Yikes! That is...a little TOO close...

  3. WOW. This is horrible. I am so glad D was removed from this situation.

  4. This is so horrible. Your thoughts, feelings and fears echo mine. I was poking around on al-anon blogs and found yours. I am the mom of an alcoholic (and other stuff) son who is 23. I have been dealing with this since he was 15. He is my oldest. I must say, I find comfort in knowing that there are other moms out there like me. Thank you! :)

    My name is Lisa...