Sunday, June 5, 2011

off to the cop's house

I have become quite the blogging procrastinator,....not really due to anything about D, but more because I've been overwhelmed with school work , tasks of life, etc..   Since I last posted, we did call and speak with the house manager where D lives in the sober living place in FLA., and according to him, everything D has told me is true.  Hooray for that one.   He remains on the lower level of freedom, appropriately so, and isn't bitching about that, so that's good. 
   At first, when he got back there, from what we could tell via phone calls, plus talking to the house manager, D seemed to be continuing to fight depression and was really feeling tired and down in the dumps and very regretful and somewhat overwhelmed by all that he'd done.  I also think (in my personal opinion and from experience w/him) that until a lot of that crap got out of his system all the way....he was going to continue to feel depressed and tired.     Finally, yesterday, when I spoke with him....and no, I really don't speak to him daily, but probably text with him almost daily.....he sounded really good, pretty upbeat and motivated, with energy.

  D even did reschedule his dr.s appt., which an almost 20 yr. old should be doing, of course, but you know what I mean. Such things before were not what he seemed to be able to get done, no matter what amount of time available he had. He's continuing to work 5 or usually 6 days per week at Chik Filet and it's 8 to 4, so that is a great schedule for him, allowing him to go to meetings at night.

   Once he went to the dr.(psychiatrist) , he even initiated asking him about a referral to a different therapist, for he says that he knows that he still has so much work to do to get to the root of what has been painful for him and is ready to do it.  He's told me that the therapist he's been seeing only does EMDR with him (although that's been good) but doesn't really get into any root things, real work on childhood hurts, the past, etc..  Amazingly, after ALL of the therapists he's seen and all of the treatment he's been through, he's not really gotten into any type of deep work like that too much. He has some, but not consistently and he knows it's necessary.     Additionally, he was given a presciption for Naltrexone that he hasn't filled yet.  I've been researching it, and haven't found anything but positive information on it.  If anyone reading this has any experience with using it for addiction, I'd welcome your feedback and love to know how it's worked (or not ) for your situation. 

    Meanwhile, in relation to the title of this husband and I are about to go next door to a cook out at the home of our neighbors....they've lived next door now for about 9 mo.s.   Just so happens that the husband is a police sargeant....they got the house on a short sale when our former neighbors got divorced.  (don't even get me started about how much that's happening around many people losing their former equity : ( , plus it doesn't help the property values of the rest of us...ugh).

     Well,....just so happens.....Chris (the next door neighbor cop) works in the precinct(of this whole very large city where we live) where D was arrested last fall.  Actually,  D was never found at the scene but a warrant was issued and he turned himself in.   Therefore, I'm SURE that Chris knows about it...with a warrant being served at the address next door to him....and probably knows the officer who may testify against D this coming Tues. in court, June 7th.   What are the odds that she (a female police officer) may even be at the cookout ?   This is all too much for me, but in the theme of being a decent neighbor, S (my husband) has convinced me to go over to the least for awhile.    I KNOW that D was the one that totally initiated the incidents of all of his involvement with police...of COURSE he did.  But....ugh, many things have occurred with the police that honestly, have changed the way I view them...and not for the better.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at them differently again, at least not the ones in our city...maybe with time.

     Of course, these neighbors just so happen to just love my husband....always always talking to him in the driveway, etc..   My husband is one of those guys that everyone likes like that...he really is.  (you know he must be a good guy to get along with me this many years right ?)      I swear, since D's last arrest last November, and then with him leaving for rehab. in December, especially with it being winter, I've barely said much at all to any neighbor.  I just kind of shut people out, ...I'm sure other parents of addicts that may be reading this can relate to that at some level.  

    So....I'll let you know how it goes.  I just am hoping that one of his buddies doesn't stop by the cookout at the end of his shift, coming in in uniform.....oy.  I swear I have police PTSD.    Too many times, too much pain...with police's definitely an association that I have viscerally, even if I can reason it out in a better way intellectually. 

    Thinking of and praying for you and yours..........


  1. I wish I had listened to the cops in our (small) suburb. They all knew my son, and knew he was responsible for much of the trouble that happened. Back then, I was believing the cops had it out for him, the other kids were bad, etc.

    But I get this completely. I once had the police storm our house and backyard in the middle of the annual subdivision picnic we were hosting for the first time. Believe me, after that I never had to worry about talking to the neighbors again...they avoided me like the plague!

  2. omg Lou,...that's awful ! And ended up all being fine,....we actually had a good time and connected with some of the other neighbors we hadn't talked to for a long time. One of them was this guy who D used to work for....whose wife once called me (they live 2 doors down) and said, "my husband said that he would hire D to do any job, anytime, and that even though he's only 15 (working under the table,before big drug issues), he's the best worker of anyone he has working for him. And yes,..that's how D was...he did whatever he did, 100%. D ended up being fired by that guy,our neighbor, when the neighbor/business owner, came in and found D the only one manning the store, asleep on a bench in the store...can't say that I blamed him at all. After that, I always was friendly with the neighbor, for I knew that it was D, certainly not his fault. I've always hoped that D didn't steal $ from him.

  3. J took Naltrexone when he got out of his last rehab for three months. He said it was fantastic...for him it kept him from craving and using. The only side effect was that he was tired after taking it. He stopped taking it about 2 months ago and said he would have absolutely no problem going back on it if he felt the need again. The only problem I had with it was he had to remember to take it. There is a once a month shot form called Vivitrol, that makes it much easier to keep track of but our insurance wouldn't pay for it and it was $1000.00 a SHOT! I guess only rich people are meant to take it???? I turned away from my neighbors too...I did not want to have to explain why they were at my house. I stopped going to the bus stop with my kids which was kind of sad because it really was one of the few times I was "social" in our neighborhood.

  4. *why the police were at my house

  5. Oh boy can I relate. I heard from one neighbor that another neighbor that lives directly across the street was trying to get a petition signed to make us leave our home that we OWN. Several neighbors didn't speak to me for over one year, however, they all spoke to Joe. It was always poor Joe he is just the step Father and he is stuck with all this crap. I also had two neighbors scream at me one day when I was going out to my car to grab something. They were outside talking and the next thing I knew they were screaming at me telling me what a horrible Parent I was and they knew B had broken into the car next door and stole the items inside. I was trying to explain to them that he was in ALASKA with my Mom but they wouldn't stop. I just stood there and cried and when Joe got home I was telling him and he added to it, "Well what do you expect, he does everything else around here of course they will blame him." Just thinking about it brings back such bad feelings. I think Lou tops me on this one. That is awful.

  6. that's horrible too, this situation, it is me that's just cringed,...the neighbors have really been good. Even the one wife of the guy who fired D was very nice yesterday, asking about him,...telling me she hopes he's doing better and keeps doing so, that he's a great kid, etc.. Even the other neighbor(who wasn't there yesterday) that called the last time D was here about him taking the car at 2 a.m., has always been kind to me about him, and that was even when she used to call me when she could see him dropping bags of weed out his bedroom window upstairs to his willing customers, that she could see from her house. :( Oh those were the days...NOT. Not that these days now are swell, as you know.

  7. I can so relate! I think most of our neighbors avoid us, due to the police being here so much!
    I gotta tell you, I am pro EMDR. I am not sure why it isn't working with the root of his problems? I have seen fantastic results due to EMDR. There is another one, In fact I am thinking about doing one of these myself. I hope D continues with it, I think you will notice a difference over time. Hugs to all of you! Kelly