Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Lucky Again

Well,....D really did luck out again today...it went very well in court, all things considered. He was facing a felony charge of possession of cocaine, although it was all based upon circumstantial evidence. He was never found with it on him or in him, nor was at the scene when police arrived to find his friend in possession of it. Additionally, the one witness the prosecution was hoping to have (a hotel clerk) couldn't be located. However, though it was an arguable case, and could possibly have been won....it was way too risky to do, according to D's attorney. Once we heard of the possible sentence...if convicted, from 0 to 10 years in prison!,..we all agreed.  That particular judge also, according to D's attorney, doesn't usually do criminal law(then how come he has this case today?),...there was no way to know what the judge would decide.        

So....the prosecutor and D's attorney made a deal, as is often how it goes, prior to entering the courtrooom,...and D took it. D plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of poss. of drug paraphernalia, and was therefore was convicted of it.   Obviously, that was much much better than the previous charge,..and a very good outcome, considering what the possibilities were.   We waited outside the courtroom for over 3 hr.s.  At least I graded papers for school the whole time....D paced and sat,...S(my husband) sat and also read a magazine a bit.  We've done this drill before, sadly enough...which is why I had the schoolwork with me,...I knew it could be a long time 'til we got in there. 

  Even though I knew what would happen (which was actually good) once we got in that courtroom, once D went up before the bench w/his attorney, before the judge...while standing there in his jacket and tie, looking all good and presentable...it got to me, once again. I had to get out the Kleenex,..it just brought tears to my eyes,..and as you all know, as they say, "this isn't our first rodeo". Nah...not even close. I've been to that damn courthouse more times than I want to count or remember.  I really don't plan to go with D again,...I really don't.   It still just hit me...with him standing there....years ago, ...who'd have ever thought that he'd have ended up arrested so much, going in front of a judge repeatedly ????    I KNOW we all have been through this...looking at our kids, wondering what the hell went so wrong, even if we actually know what it all was.  And of course, it's not just one thing, but the perfect shit storm of factors.  Even still, wow...this much pain isn't what we still would have expected.
   Anyway, I got off my original theme here of D's outcome today being a good one....for it was.  He was very thrilled and relieved and knew just how much of a break he'd received.  His resulting penalty was only 25 hr.s of comm. svc. (can be done in FLA.), 1 yr. suspended sentence w/ 2 yr.s good behavior. Could D actually behave well for 2 whole years??  AND, no fine (yaay) with only court costs due by 6 mo.s from now.

     The 3 of us went out to lunch together, and it was nice.  A rare moment, especially these days.   Then I went with D to T.J Maxx and he got some shorts...he was thrilled, and he always did love a bargain. I know people do, but I never find anything in there for myself, unfortunately. 

  Tonight, early evening, I drove D back to the airport and he flew out, back to FLA.. In fact, he should be landing in about an hour. He's in the new sober living house, and the house manager says that he plans to even drive to and from work with D every day....since, as you know...it's only been 5 days since he's used.  : (   And that's IF I have the facts right...who the hell knows...not me. 
   I am still grateful for what happened in court today,...for I know that D getting a felony and going to jail couldn't do anything good for him vs. what he's attempting to do in sober living, working etc..  At least, I don't think it could.  At the same time, I know that the demon of addiction lives within him, and I'm so unsure of what will happen to him in the near or distant future.  

   And that's what we all have to live with ...and get so used to...the uncertainty of it all for their (and our) future.   Acceptance of the unknown or possible future pain is what it is.   Acceptance is always the key....so it is. 


  1. We always want the best for our children regardless of what that may be. The last time we were in Court on 2/25/11 the Judge asked 'his" parents to come up. I don't know what came over me and I started crying. Couldn't stop so Joe had to talk. Blake and the Atty were just staring at me. Geez, this time I will bring kleenex...I wasn't even upset until they told him he could be released I wanted him back in rehab. I am so glad that D went back without a fight and is in a new home. Yes, acceptance is key.

  2. Yes, acceptance is key, very wise thing to do but now always easy. I'm glad D is doing what's best for him. Its a very good sign.

  3. The "looming" court date.... The stress, the anxiety, the waiting. "Is THIS the day of reckoning?" we all ask ourselves. It's enough to cause any mother to go weak at the knees. (not to mention what it does to our addicts - especially mine who I admit never learned coping skills...)

    So glad to hear your son is back on track!

  4. I am so happy for you son, but at the same time it really sort of pisses me off about this revolving door of law. I swear, they should either legalize drugs and be done with the mess (prosecute the crimes like stealing vs possession) or crack down with some serious punishments. Your son, like mine, had what amounts to a slap on the wrists. My son plead guilty to a drug para misdemeanor, too. He received a 6 months suspended sentence and one year probation (with no check in). The entire time we were living that nightmare my son took it in stride..."It's no big deal, Mom!" AAAAAHHHHHGGGGGGGGG!

    Anyway, I am so happy your son is on the right path again. I pray all our children find their way.

  5. Another step along recovery road. Glad D is going forward. The fact that he went back to Florida into the new sober living facility speaks volumes. He is serious about recovery.

    God Bless

  6. Progress is being made. Yes, the disease is always present but with each step toward recovery long term healing is possible.

    Continued prayers for you and your family.

  7. I feel kind of bad for feeling jealous of your sons sentence. J's judge was brutal for what sounds like similar circumstances. I was told if J went to court in a county with a worse drug problem his sentence would have been much lighter. Since he went to court in a county with shockingly fewer drug offenses the judge was brutal. I am happy for you and your son but sad that things did not end as well for J BUT I should and I am grateful that there is no jail involved for J. Good Luck!

  8. Do not at all feel bad for feeling jealous of that Madyson....I know exactly what you mean. And yes, it's SO unfair,..how variable it can all be, from place to place, from judge to judge, for similar offenses. It also very much depends on what attorney the person has, and what the prior connection/work history that attorney may have with the prosecutor, and if he/she is respected by the prosecutor, therefore willing to make a deal. However, I do think that it would have been much worse if they had any physical evidence at all, or any witness, or even a tape recording of the phone call between our son and the police officer. They didn't have any of that, which worked in our son's favor. However, given his past history, especially, he was still very lucky.