Saturday, January 1, 2011

Out with the old, in with the new !

I've been away and busy with visiting family etc. so haven't posted since my last frustrated and angry post when D had a big fit on the phone with me, from where he is in treatment. Meanwhile, I'm very glad to say that he's been doing better and better.....each day he sounds more hopeful, happy, and committed to his recovery than the previous day. He did tell me on the phone today that last night was hard for him, as he could see others partying....drinking from a big beer bong, etc.. Geez, how close together is the treatment center from another house where the people are partying ? He said that it wasn't hard in the respect that they were "partying" on New Year's eve and that he couldn't,....just that he wasn't "normal" as other people are that are able to drink alcohol at some level without being extreme and self destructive.
Meanwhile, we learned that he must already leave the rehab. on Jan. 10th, after only 21 days...ugh. Even though we were told that at the end of the first 3 weeks he'd be evaluated for need of continuing treatment, with insurance continuing to pay,...and again at the end of 60 days, up to, we were just told that no, some insurances do that, but not ours. They knew exactly what insurance we had, and I asked multiple times to confirm that they'd pay, before he even first went there. Oh well,...I'm actually just grateful that D went there, of his own free will,...and that our insurance is paying for the 3 weeks in full...that's wonderful. He's now been researching places to go for "transitional living" aka half way houses,..and is set to interview on Monday for one not far from where he's currently in treatment in Florida. He is strongly set against coming back home here to VA., and for once, KNOWS that it's way too slippery for him here....too may triggers for him to prompt a relapse. He says that he doesn't plan to come back here for a very long time. Of course, I'd love him to be where we could see him (especially in recovery !), but if he's not using and needs to be away to have that happen...then I would much rather he stay away. We can go down and visit when we can. He wants to get a job, at least part time, and begin comm. college ,...not sure when on that. The place he's interviewing for also has a Christian theme and that makes me very very happy, so we'll see. However, he still has his court date/trial hanging over his head on Feb. 25th, here at home. Unless it's again continued to a later date, he'll be coming back for that, and of course, we don't know how it will go. In fact, he's first (this coming week) finding out whether or not it's allowed by his pre trial supervision people here, or the judge,..that he move out of treatment into the transitional living place instead of coming back here when he leaves treatment on Jan. 10th. I'm thinking they'll let him...but as you know, you never can tell.
I am a teacher and tend to think of the new year beginning in Sept. vs. now,...that's just when it all begins fresh for me each year. However, this New Year's day, this year,....I'm thinking of it as a real new year beginning....for D to recover and become who he really is, without using, and for us to begin to live a MUCH more peaceful and pleasant life without him nearby, steeped in his addiction. 2010 was very tough in many ways, as D was arrested twice this year,....was using, in recovery for over 3 mo.s, then went back to using and continued to get worse and worse. I am looking SO forward to a far improved 2011 for all of us. May we all work on our own progress and I'd love to go forward to see us all blogging about something other than addiction ! However,...what I want to say most today is THANK YOU,...all of you other parents of addicts who blog and share,...for holding me up and really really understanding through this past year and a half. It has been crucial to me to be able to keep going forward and coping and I am so grateful ! Happy new Year to all of you and may all of our loved ones find recovery and peace.


  1. Good luck with the insurance mess, as well as the court issues. My son had to wait over a month for his court date before leaving for treatment. During that time I thought he was clean. He wasn't. He was using at least once or twice a week, all the while continuing to steal from our family. I didn't find this out until after he was gone. At this point, I'd be happy if he stayed far away for a long time.

    I think your son is making a good decision to stay away from home in early recovery. I'm not sure it is ever wise for them to move back home.

  2. Even though 3 weeks isn't a lot (and we all want more recovery time for our addicts, not less), it is still a wonderful step in the right direction.

    My son has been gone for two full years and will soon be home...and I'm a little worried it is still too soon!

    I continue to keep you and D in my thoughts and prayers. Happy New Year...every single try at recovery is a new beginning!

  3. Thanks to both of you. And yes,...I/we are happy he's heading in the right direction. It's very early,...but even if it wasn't, none of us know what the future will bring. I'm grateful he's not here doing what he was doing a month ago. For now, that's progress enough. Hang in there Lisa,...I know you're anxious right now,..but don't let each day of what's right not make you happy. The future's not here yet, ..and it just could be good.

    Lori, I know what you mean,...that's why I feel better about him being far's much better than the alternative right here.