Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Looking forward/ looking back

During the past few days, D has been working on finding a 1/2 way house to go to next week. He's being released from the treatment center on Sunday, and it's been a search for where to go next, based upon recommendations from the counselor where he is and what's available as well, whether nearby where he is or otherwise. His main concern was that he not come back here...as I've said before, the first time he's really been aware of how dangerous it is for him near triggers and people, places and things that he used with here. That is good to see,..that he(not us) is so aware of/even afraid of going back to using. He's found a place near where he is, and he interviewed there and was accepted,...had dinner over there last night, which surprised me. He is very motivated to go there and excited about looking forward to what recovery can be for him now...hoping to get a job, even start community college, although that probably won't happen until the summer. He sounds happier than I can remember hearing him for soooo long. Of course, he does have to come back to go to court on Feb. 25th, but he will deal with that then....he can still do something positive for now where he is. Of course, that could require that he stay here and go to jail, but I'm praying that doesn't happen and he can go back to where he'll be living. Time will tell, of course.
Meanwhile, he called a little while ago and started to cry, but it was because he was happy. He'd shared some things in his group tonight that he "broke through" to say that he'd not ever told anyone before, and it was a huge relief for him and he was very proud of himself and emotional about. He apologized to me again and also said that he knew that he wasn't really the bad person that he'd felt about himself for so long, and just wanted to deal with the "horrible bitch" of addiction that's hurt him and us so much. Our whole conversation was very moving, and I'm not really articulating it well enough here.
Of course, he'll continue to deal with his addiction and it will continue to be a challenging road for him. I don't think that he's "taken care of " things that he'd needed to do and all is well now. But I do think that as many others have said, each attempt at recovery can push the addict more forward on a positive path, and D has started on that path at the moment. I am grateful for that, and looking for more light out of the darkness that's been the status quo for a very long time.


  1. I am so excited for your son...and you.
    I am waiting for that phone call from my own son.
    Praying for it, actually!

  2. This is very good news...I am happy for both of you, and very proud of him for opening up and sharing something that he was never able to share before, there can be so much freedom in "getting it out". I think (as we often are) we're in a very similar place with our sons right now...hopeful yet so aware that in one second it could all change. And also we've both seen an openness in them and a positive change. Some maturity. Sending you a hug!

  3. Thank you both so much,....I want this positive change to continue and for them all to have the peace and happiness that life can offer them, without drugs. Hugs right back to you too Barbara. Lori, I also pray that you have this same hope very soon.

  4. Great News! Maybe this time is the charm! I couldn't think of a better way to start the New Year. So now you can sit back and enjoy yourself for awhile. Hugs, K