Decision.

Oh boy,..it really would be too much to catch up all that's happened    It's been a crazy train of a week,..let's just say that.  I have papers to grade right now before going to bed, & not much time to write.  The bottom line is that our daughter, D's big sister, is getting married in 10 days.  Therefore, we need to decide, by tomorrow, do we let him come, & be a part of this huge family event, or not,...because we can't guarantee that all will go well ?  He's supposed to be one of the ushers,...his tux is ready to be picked up next week.

 He's now (thank God) back in his original sober living house, as a result of his own attempts to get help. This was after many days of staying alone in the house he'd been living in,  with no $, & then the power shut off (since the bill wasn't paid) & he was hot (Fla. & no AC), & in the dark alone once the sun went down. This has been going on since the weekend when he couldnt go into detox & we wouldn't give him any $.  I will admit, I did have a pizza delivered that I ordered  online 2 times.

  He's desperately begging to be there.  His sister doesn't know the depths that he's recently gone to,..but does now know that he's "not been doing well recently", & is leaving it up to the judgement of S (my husband ) & me.  She does not at all want anything negative to color any of the wedding weekend, ...understandably, or to be worrying about him if he takes off in the middle of the might or causes any worry or upset,...none of us do, of course.  D says that the last thing he'd ever want I do is to "screw up" any part of this,...but is also so upset to think he'd possibly not be able to come,..for such a big family event,... as the only person of the family "not good enough to come",... his words, not mine.  S has been very much against D coming, but late last night said  that he'd go along with it, if that's what I wanted this much,..& was this important to me. Truly, I just know its because he can't stand to see my pain on this,...because it really has been ripping my heart out.  What I haven't  shared is that D recently stole $ from us during this last run/nightmare. It's so so awful,...he actually managed to get into our savings account & ripped off  almost $3,000 !!  It was there for stuff we were paying for, for the wedding,...& ironically, he himself called us & told us before it was discovered, & said to block him somehow,  that we should call the police, & he was ready to go to prison if that's what would happen,..etc., & was crying & very remorseful,..as he obviously should be !  It's weird, because S is one who goes onto the online banking site every morning,..but wasnt  checking any savings $, just checking balance, plus it was on the weekend when he's not looking at it as much.  And believe me,.it could have been worse moneywise, NOT that I'm minimizing what D did !  Quite the contrary.   S hasn't spoken to him since,...he's been SO pissed about it (no wonder)& only I have had contact with D.   No one else has known but us two, until last night when S told M, D's older brother, our oldest son. M was quite enraged, & bummed out,...& thought that no way should D be allowed to come,...& M has always been in D's corner & done SO much for him. Although, M got to a point where he's basically protected his heart & is always skeptical on D's progress at staying clean (no surprise) while also praying/hoping for his success.

  I'm so torn,...I VERYmuch want D with us,..but just as much want nothing at all to be a problem that would diminish our daughter & future son in law's big day/weekend. And not for nothing, I've been busting my butt full out for months & months to get everything done & prepare for this.  We've got all kinds of people coming from Australia (groom's family & close friends) that we've never even met yet. Not staying here in our house, but close by & will be here with is us a lot during the days leading up to the wedding, on the 29th, a week fom Saturday

 D says he'll do whatever we ask to be here,...including sleeping in our room like he did when he was 15 & his addiction problems began,...in my attempt to get some sleep & stop him from sneaking out @ night,...that he was really known for.  Oh God,..we've been dealing with this for sooo long.  I know you reading this understand.

  Your thoughts ???