Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Step one

First of all,...what would I do without all of you ? Really,...you're all so helpful & supportive. I really value each of your comments. We're researching options (can you relate ?),.. But in the meantime, D texted me today at the end of my school/work day (2:45), which was his waking up time. (not the actual end of my work day,..just when my students were getting ready to leave). Anyway,,...his words in the text were: "I'm done, I surrender, I can't do this anymore". Well,..I do think he meant it,.. But mind you, I've heard this before. Anyway,..he told me how no one he knows there in his recovery community would reply to his texts or calls,..no wonder. Also, the sober living house a few doors down where he used to live, now wouldn't let him in. Again,,,no surprise. He said he knew he couldn't do this alone,..and finally found one guy he knew from way back when in treatment who took his call. That guy came over & picked him up & gave him a ride & brought him where D asked to go,..the original sober living house where D used to live,...that he was kicked out of last June (2011), when he last relapsed. They took him in to stay,..& that's where he is now, thank God. My heart rests easier tonight, just to know he's not "out there", despite it being from his own choices. And really,...it's surely from D's own shitty choices. For, disease or not, he DID have choices, before he began to use again. Aagh. : (. D is well versed in the choices he had to avoid this pain & destruction. He was using those choices,...reaching out to other addicts, going to meetings,..calling his sponsor, etc.,..until,..he didn't.

So,..we're still researching where he can go for treatment. We did find more than 1 place insurance will cover totally,..we think. Need to ask more questions etc tomorrow. S(the dad) spoke with the SL house manager tonight, where D is now,..who we already know from prior time there. And, in front of D,..the house manager told S how D really doesn't need to go to yet another rehab.(would be his 5th since age 16),...but could stay there& only, only, work on his recovery for the 1st month,..w/out even working. Not really a problem since where he's been working at Chile's isn't hardly or even giving him any hours anyway. apparently , he was working too slowly as a prep cook,...but that'll happen when you're up all night getting high.
More to be continued in this drama,..I'll post where he ends up going or staying. Feels like old times. Times I had no desire to repeat.

Thanks again for listening.


  1. And oh yeah,,just in the past week,..apparently, D's had a gun pulled on him twice. So yeah, tonight,..I do rest easier than the past few nights. I'm hoping I can continue to do so.

  2. Oh, Beach, I've been holding my breath for the past week waiting to hear...
    OK, so he surrenders. Good news there!

    As far as the other friends not taking his calls - yeah - my son told me he has learned through a myriad of dramas in the past 6 months that you have to let your sober friends go once they decide to use. Otherwise they start to take everyone along for the ride. It's unfortunate because sometimes they are dialing around needing some support.

    Does the SL House have a program where he can get extra counseling and meetings for awhile while not working? (some SL homes are structured, it all depends).
    This has to be so hard on you and your family... My prayers are with you.

  3. Geez, just read the gun thing. Keven and Anthony used to have gun experiences too and sometimes I wish they would have never told me.

    Anyhow....I hope you find a place for D that you can afford. I just went through this and its so maddening because insurance just doesn't cover enough and we have to wonder "what is one more rehab going to go?". This time I found the ranch Kev is at by accident, I had never found it before in all my year's of research. It's not that expensive compared to most places! Let me know if you want the info, of course that would mean flying him out here. Its not really a RANCH its a house on ten acres but it has horses etc and seems like a solid program.

    Of course D meant it when he said he was done. I think they usually do mean it. Sadly, meaning it and doing it are not the same. I hope and pray that this really is it for D. Thinking of you, dear friend!

  4. Glad D is in a safe place today. Thinking of you and your son.

  5. I hate to say I can relate, to the gun thing and all. I was very happy when people, clean/sober people and her junkie friends wouldn't take her calls. Because that left us, her parents and family and I trust us the most! LOL. It was the only we got her in long a term treatment facility. If one of them had helped her, it was over..she would be back in the using game. Emily is not 21 and on her 9th program. That's why we said long term and free. My husband used his bonus to pay the remaining debts to those expensive short term programs.. how sad is that?? We have insurance, but sometimes it only paid for the medical end or detox part. Sometimes we exceeded our max for it, sometimes they didn't take insurance but a sliding scale payment schedule. Then you have wait and see if there is a bed.. and that time period is critical, they are ready to bolt again.
    I too, have the surrender thing a million times. I am like don't waste your breath saying it unless you mean it. I sure hope your son and my daughter mean it this time.. but I guess we will never be sure, as they have planted that seed of doubt with us.
    I too am glad he is safe for now and willing to look at options. What scares the heck out of me is, each time they relapse doesn't seem like it gets worst faster? That's my biggest fear for our kids.
    Keep us posted and know those good thoughts and prayers are being sent your way! Hugs, Kelly

  6. I am thinking of you and hoping for the best..it does sound like a residential treatment would be a great option and hope you can sort it all out and find a place for him. It is so hard on us moms to watch our kids go through this stuff. I can only imagine how tough this has been on you after a long period of sobriety to watch him spiral again. I am so sorry. Prayers for yours and mine.