smiles for a POA

   I haven't posted so much,...mainly, because until today, I haven't had my laptop and can't stand writing anything of any length on the Ipad,...with the tedious "typing" it requires. Seems my laptop acquired one of the worst viruses...and despite us having the extra paid for protection guarantee from the beginning, we ending up paying out of pocket to get it all corrected. Anyway, it's fixed !!  : )

    As you know,..with addicts, there have been many ups and downs, but for now...today...D is doing WELL.  It's quite wonderful, considering what just went on with his most recent relapse.  This is a short post and I'll get to the ups and downs later. 

   But let's just say...I heard from him today and tonight.  He was attending an NA convention for the weekend. He'd gone with a bunch of guys from the sober living house he's living in. He was very enthused, and related the various things he'd experienced and attended and heard.  It was all so good, and he was so happy and telling me all about it. It was "music to my ears"...very good music, to hear him get so much out of it.

  All I can say is I'm very, very grateful.  That sums it up. 
   Continuing to pray for lasting recovery for my D and yours, from this dreadful disease.

I think he can,...I think he can...

D's still in the sober living house,...doing all that's recommended he do to work on recovery. Praise God I say. It's veeeery early on yet,,,I know. But he's taking the steps he's needing to take to work on his recovery. In the last couple of days, I've had a couple of encouraging statements from the house manager where he now is living again. One was on the phone when he said,.."D's very well liked here,..within the recovery community of people that know him. There are a lot of people that care about him & his recovery ". The other was a very short text to me last night as I was going to bed. He said,"he's doing good "

Those words meant so much to me. The guy that wrote them,,the house manager,...a very long time alcoholic, that once lived in a tent in the woods to be able to just drink all day,..gave me some peace & hope.

God bless addicts that give it away to help other addicts.

God bless my much loved son & those you love affected by addiction..including those of you that love them...

Current status

Forgive my non blogging,..after being so upset & telling the relapse woes. Amazingly, I've had another fairly new Dell laptop bite the dust, so I have to "type" on this damn IPad, which isn't really typing to me. Believe me, I appreciate that I have an IPad ,..& love the thing,..but not for typing. I only even have one because S bought me it as a surprise when my mom died suddenly last August. He was trying to do something to cheer me up.

Anyway,..I digress. D did not go to residential treatment & is still in the sober living house he went to earlier in the week. He says he feels safe there & thinks it's the best place for him to be. He used to live there last year, from January - June, when he relapsed & was kicked out, then went into a different one, from June to October. Anyway,..the house manager there also told S & D himself that he thought D just needed to focus on his recovery there (no kidding) w/out going to treatment,..where there is still a chance to use as well as then being in a male/female environment there D somehow always gets involved w/ a girl. In the meantime, our insurance. Tricare, told S that they've changed the rules since Dec 2010 (D's last rehab stint) & since D's addicted to coke & crack & they're "only" psychologically and not physically addictive,..then he wouldn't be covered for rehab treatment. I guess crack isn't a serious enough addiction ?? They only cover alcohol,benzos, or heroin addiction treatment. Good grief. I know there are other low cost treatment places, & 1 is a state funded program right near where D lives,...but there's a long waiting list to get in there. However, it would.be cheaper than the sober living place he's in now,...& unless he can come up w/his $300 part of APril's rent $ on the house he was living in,...we'll probably be paying that too. I know that us paying this $ is not at all what's recommended we do,..so I hope it really is the right thing to do. But there's no way we'll shell out thousands for a rehab again. Those days are over. He did quit his Chili's job,..although he barely was getting hours there anyway. Hopefully, at the end of 30 days, he'll find another job & start paying some of the SL house rent himself. He sounds very much like he is serious about working on his recovery,...time will tell, of course. I was going to write more, but have to go now. Will finish later. Thanks to all of you SO much for your comments & support.

Step one

First of all,...what would I do without all of you ? Really,...you're all so helpful & supportive. I really value each of your comments. We're researching options (can you relate ?),.. But in the meantime, D texted me today at the end of my school/work day (2:45), which was his waking up time. (not the actual end of my work day,..just when my students were getting ready to leave). Anyway,,...his words in the text were: "I'm done, I surrender, I can't do this anymore". Well,..I do think he meant it,.. But mind you, I've heard this before. Anyway,..he told me how no one he knows there in his recovery community would reply to his texts or calls,..no wonder. Also, the sober living house a few doors down where he used to live, now wouldn't let him in. Again,,,no surprise. He said he knew he couldn't do this alone,..and finally found one guy he knew from way back when in treatment who took his call. That guy came over & picked him up & gave him a ride & brought him where D asked to go,..the original sober living house where D used to live,...that he was kicked out of last June (2011), when he last relapsed. They took him in to stay,..& that's where he is now, thank God. My heart rests easier tonight, just to know he's not "out there", despite it being from his own choices. And really,...it's surely from D's own shitty choices. For, disease or not, he DID have choices, before he began to use again. Aagh. : (. D is well versed in the choices he had to avoid this pain & destruction. He was using those choices,...reaching out to other addicts, going to meetings,..calling his sponsor, etc.,..until,..he didn't.

So,..we're still researching where he can go for treatment. We did find more than 1 place insurance will cover totally,..we think. Need to ask more questions etc tomorrow. S(the dad) spoke with the SL house manager tonight, where D is now,..who we already know from prior time there. And, in front of D,..the house manager told S how D really doesn't need to go to yet another rehab.(would be his 5th since age 16),...but could stay there& only, only, work on his recovery for the 1st month,..w/out even working. Not really a problem since where he's been working at Chile's isn't hardly or even giving him any hours anyway. apparently , he was working too slowly as a prep cook,...but that'll happen when you're up all night getting high.
More to be continued in this drama,..I'll post where he ends up going or staying. Feels like old times. Times I had no desire to repeat.

Thanks again for listening.

It's bad

I'm too tired right now, physically & otherwise to do this all justice, but will write more tomorrow or the next day. However,..D's on a run right now in a big way,...on crack. He's been doing it for weeks now,...the first time he'd ever done it was a few weeks ago when I posted it. He took off on it like wildfire & is totally unable to stop at this point. It makes me sick writing that. He's cried,,..etc., & does agree he needs to go to treatment & says he'll go. We'll see, but he MUST. The woman who owns the sober living house where he'd been called me earlier this evening,..told me she saw him,..he looked bad. She said,..we're gonna get him out of here & into treatment as fast as we can. He IS going. Crack happened to have been her DOC, way back when,..before she started being an angel to other addicts. I love that woman. D's also got some guys there that are trying to help him too. He's very fortunate in that way. He's also recently burned some bridges in that respect. No surprise.

I'm just sick about it all,..& right now, also afraid for him, out there tonight. AND,..I have no idea where he should go, where, which one ? It's a maze. This will be his 5th rehab.

Please pray for him tonight, & I'm praying for yours. Also,..any recommendations on treatment facilities would be appreciated, but we can't spend $25,000 or more dollars. (or any thousands). Those days are gone. He is covered by Tricare insurance.

Thank you for any suggestions on the treatment place...