Well,...he didn't get right back on track. Another Sun. night revelation...and it's all bad,...really bad. I talked to D earlier this evening. He wanted to tell me the truth he said. I've had bad feelings since the middle of this past week...and per usual, my gut was right. Yes, he did go get that white chip last Sun.,..at least, from what I can tell, he did. Then, he didn't use for 2 days. He stayed home from work and slept most of his days. He called in sick on the first day, but then, fortunately, had the next day off, then called in sick on Wed.. He started using again.....through earlier today. His new drum set is gone, all of his just received tax return is gone and part of the rent money my husband just gave him is gone. The 2 new guy roommates put in the rest of their share of the rent since they just moved in, so he says that they have the rent $ aside, ready to pay. D and I had a conversation, in which he cried, was desperate sounding.....saying he didn't want to go on this way. He said that he didn't do everything his sponser told him to do (obviously) and just went and started using some more. He said he can't keep going on like this....doesn't want to live this way,...doesn't want to die, "doesn't want to have us bury him". He said that he knows it will lead to that if he keeps going,...he's going to start over, totally surrender his will, his way, etc.. It was terrible. I went through that conversation very pissed at him in some parts, very sad in other parts,...and with my heart breaking overall. He was going to get off the phone, call his sponser, go to a meeting, and get another white chip.
I got off the phone and related the conversation to my husband, S, who was watching the beginning of the Super Bowl. After that, it went downhill between S and me. Many things were said back and forth between us. S was really really pissed at D(understandably),....and then ended up very angry at me. He said that D was trying to just manipulate me. He'd had a few drinks and I know that influenced what he was saying. I said something about that and then it just escalated from there. He said terrible things to me, really bad. He then said that I was so f'd up and was the worst enabler,....stormed upstairs. He was screaming at me, even from upstairs and I told him to shut the bedroom window,...feeling like the neighbors were hearing all of this.
That's where we are now....I feel just numb. It's amazing how addiction can still wreak it's havoc from 4 states away from the addict. I don't know what to think. I just don't. I feel like D is going to keep trying to be in recovery.....but am I just naive ? Like I said....I feel numb at the moment