Thursday, February 16, 2012

Incredibly Mean...

I just read a comment on my former neighbor/friend's Facebook page. The friend of my neighbor wrote, "favorite tweet today on Twitter,...congrats Whitney, you now have 4 days sober. ". My neighbor replied,..thanks (as in, for the laugh), ha ha ha ha.

I must say,...that really hit me,....I just got so angry, yet sad, all at the same time. And I must add,....the neighbor, former close friend, was one who was in our house about daily, when D was in his worst stages before(although he's now competing with that stage again,..hope not). She saw all of the pain & horrific things that happened. In the end, from unrelated circumstances,...not related to me much, but her marriage,...she ended up to be not much of a friend at all, & I was very hurt by it. But I digress. I just meant that she's seen a lot of addiction pain close up, from D & us. Although she wasn't the one that posted the comment,...she did laugh & go along with it,..although I'm sure she wasn't thinking of D nor me when she did. Ironically, she lives in FLA. now, in the same town that D does,..though they certainly never see each other. He used to be her # 1 babysitter for her son,...before the hell ride began, when D was someone that everyone thought was the greatest kid.

But the person who posted that was the one I'm really referring to as the mean one. I mean,,,even if you don't understand the disease aspect of addiction,...what the hell is wrong with people? Of course, I didn't keep my mouth shut( no surprise there), & commented that her "joke" was mean & disgusting,...& said, should pray that's not your daughter some day. Another guy/friend of my old neighbor's then commented,..."oh God,..please don't let my daughter grow up to be like Whitney". I know his comment was tongue in cheek,... Ecause really,..I'm pretty sure he doesn't think that could really ever happen. All I can say is,...neither did we, right ?

D is in the sober living house,...& his sponsor didn't "drop him" like D thought he would. D's sponsor also said that he thinks D should go to a 6mo. to 1 year treatment place. That got to me, well as a conversation I ad with D today,...when he said he thinks if himself as a "junkie" now. Ugh. It was awful to hear him say that & I told him not to say that &/or give it any energy. As if my suggestive "energy" can somehow sway the nearby of addiction,...sigh. D told me he continues to feel like getting high, but hasnt today nor plans to. Hed gone to 1 meeting earlier in the day & was going to another tonight I pray he's right on the not using today. That's all we've got,..right now. I'm working had on not projecting.

Praying for D's recovery & for you & yours too


  1. I meant sway the *energy of addiction.

  2. Hi! You sound so upset and I truly get why! I would be and am, too. People sometimes just don't think before they speak or post on facebook....sometimes I think they just CAN'T get it. It hurts just the same! My son doesn't have addictions, but believe me!!!!! I know that could all change instantly with one 'stupid' decision and I don't take his freedom from addiction for granted...none of us should!! EVER!! Reading these blogs scares the SH** out of me. Your kids sounded no different than mine! No one is immune! All addicts were like your wonderful son at some point in you said, the boy they all thought 'was the greatest kid'...the kid with unlimited potential...the kid that one could never imagine living the nightmare of addiction....We are all fragile beings, so let's treat each other with kindness and compassion. I pray for you and your boy and will also add prayers for those who are so insensitive, and who just 'don't/can't get it'!!! and 'don't get how mean they are being'. I am truly sorry that you are feeling so 'raw' today, and hope that you are able to get a good night's sleep and 'march on' tomorrow. Hurray! D is in a sober living house today and has gone to a couple of meetings, and has been in contact with his sponsor. It's a start...and a start is where it always has to begin. Take care! (Sorry to have rambled on so much.) Take care.
    Shelley in SK

  3. I saw the same "candle light vigil" crap and "4 days sober" comment on facebook. I am truly stunned that people are so quick to judge... It is only ignorance because they have not been personally touched by addiction. I have lost some very good friends because of their judgment of my son...

    So good to hear that D continues going to meetings and meeting with his sponsor. Praying for you and your son.

  4. How can folk even find that funny? It really is ignorance and as Shelley said they somehow think they are immune because they did nothing wrong . . . Neither did we!
    I'm praying for D that he gets back to not feeling like a "junkie" . . . Real soon.

  5. I am going to chose to look at it like this...

    4 days sober? Yes, that's true. Not funny, but it IS true. When my friend died from cancer, people were heard to say things like "Well she is finally cancer-free now." It brought us all peace to think about that. It brings me peace to know that Whitney is four days sober (whatever a day is in heaven).

    As for D thinking of himself as a junkie? I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing, IF he thinks of himself as a junkie who wants to get help. My son said his turning point was when he allowed his ego to step out of the way and he stopped thinking that he was somehow special, or not as "dirty" as other drug addicts. If you think about it, there are not addicts and junkies or addicts and crackheads. There are only drug addicts, whatever they call themselves. I really try not to (give power) to the label. Right now he sees himself as the lowest he can go. That's a good thing. He can only go up from here. There's always hope.

  6. My son called himself a junkie, because well..that's what he is. Is it better to be a dope fiend? Is a crackhead "above" IV user? We could just call it "substance abuse" and nobody would have to think of the ugly mechanics involved. What I'm saying is, selling a car (which my son has also done) for cocaine, heroin, crack, meth, etc is indicative of a serious, life threatening disease that will end in institutions or death. The semantics are the least of their problems.

    I agree with notmyboy--thinking one is "unique" is a huge barrier to recovery. This is a basic tenet of AA/NA. One is not better because they smoke instead of inject, or because they only steal from strangers and not their family. They are all powerless over drugs, and their lives are unmanageable.

    I understand what you meant, please don't think I took offense. But overdosing from snorting cocaine is just as final as overdosing from IV injection. An alcoholic I know died at 30 of liver failure. Addiction is an equal leveler.

    I know this is so hard on you. Maybe D's sponsor sees something that makes him think D needs long term treatment. (Personally, I feel they ALL need long term treatment). D sounds scared and helpless, and I know when my son is afraid he can't stop himself, he sounds the same way. Keep faith and hope, God has surrounded D with people who care.

  7. I am so sorry that things have turned for you..maybe a long term residential would be the way to go. My son is on a waiting list for one now...the wait can be long so maybe he could get his name on a list. Perhaps he can get back on track via the sober living house but he sounds very fragile. And as much as I cringe at son is a "junkie". I know some take offense to that term but it is the reality and acceptance is half the battle for me.

  8. I think that comment was intentionally mean if it was meant as humor, and it appears that's what it was meant as. Some people will never get it - and I feel extra sorry for them if their child or other loved one ends up with the disease of addiction. Many people won't even accept that its a disease.

    As for D and the term Junkie, Keven calls himself that, or he uses the term "Doper" and "Dope Fiend" but mostly junkie. I hurts to hear that, but I know that its a sign he recongizes the reality - because, its true! The terminology for a heroin addict is junkie. (he hates the term Tweaker even though he's been know to use meth. I think in his sick mind a junkie is a higher level addict than a tweaker).

  9. Thinking a lot about you lately....sending you prayers and positive thoughts and a great big pat on the back for not projecting!

  10. The comment came from ignorance, fear or pride. I am grateful for Whitney that she no longer suffers. Being someone in her position probably makes it much more difficult to get others to tell you the hard things. Having that much money makes it harder to get out of the mindset that because you can afford it why should anyone care and most everyone can be bought. That said I still hate her death for her familys loss. As far as D goes, he is on a journey and relapse is an unfortunate part of the learning curve. Someone said that calling himself a junkie meant he recognized his disease and accepting it is the first step to recovery. One of the things that I notice with the girls at the jail is that they can often be the hardest on themselves. Just keep quoting the serenity prayer and ask God to show you the next right step...praying for you and D

  11. OOOoooo don't even get me started! Give me her email and I will give her a piece of my mind if ya want.