Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Knife in the heart on Valentine's Day

Well,..part of my non posting is due to issues with my laptop & it's sudden challenge to me to getting onto blogger,..ugh Therefore, I am doing this on an IPad with the big annoyance of the "typing" on it, which is more like one finger at a time/non typing. Again,..thank you SO much for your comments,...they're just so supportive to me.

Despite the big confession that D made,...that he initiated,..& his distraught feelings then that I do know were real,..more has been revealed. When I last posted, he'd told me/us about using,..and was truly so upset,...and we learned all the fallout from it,...drums were gone,..pArt of the rent $ etc etc. He really was miserable,..was going to now turn it around, & for the past week since then, "seemed" to be doing better.

Then,. Yesterday afternoon, I was home, out of work, due to S having foot surgery & me staying home from work to help him. The phone rang,..about 2 pm,..& I answered , hearing D's voice, very upset. He said he wasn't doing well at all,...started to cry on the phone. It all came out. Apparently,..despite his prior intentions(can't we all relate to this ?)! Yes,...he'd continued to use,..& it only got worse. Are you ready for this,,...he sold his CAR & had gone through all that $ on cocaine ! And yes, was a very crappy (POS) car ....but it was a running car that go him to work each day ! I mean,,,really ? ? And,,,he pawned other things too,...& finally, as he cried, he told me,.. "I smoked crack last night.". Not that his regular coke snorting is some benign activity,...but damn !! He said,..I can't keep doing this (no shit),... I have to do something different." So, he arranged to go back into the sober living house where he'd been, which is only 4 doors down fom hs house. God bless her, the woman who owns the SL House told him he could stay for a month for free. Thank you Trish. ! Meanwhile, his rent's paid & the 2 new roommates are over in his house, now w/out D even there. He gave the house manager his ID card & ATM cad & his about $8 of cash.

I then talked to him today,...he had today off from work. He sounded terrible, e was just wallowing in it, if ya know what I mean. Right now.I'm just very over it & fed up & pissed off. As has been said,'s much easier to detach this way. I don't know what will be, obviously. . .....


  1. He's probably overwhelmed right now. I would think he will settle down now that he is back where he was able to stay sober. If I feed into my son's feelings he seems to wallow in it more, so I try not to comment to much. Sometimes my tongue is bleeding from biting it! LOL. If its any consolation, my older son also sold his car for drugs..he got 3500 for it and it also went to drugs. He now takes the bus. Benn 8 months sober from heroin. Crack can be pretty bad, sounds like he stopped himself before he had a long binge. Positive things happening here, small victories. Praying for you all.

  2. I am continuing to pray for D and your family. I pray that he can once again 'believe in himself' and fight 'the addiction monster'. It maybe makes no difference to D to know that many of us in blogland believe in him...his challenge is to find his own personal strength...only the addict can recover himself....but please tell him that he DOES has people rooting for him, praying for him and believing in him...believing that he can once again get back on track. He DOES have support club 'cheering' him on! It's a good start, that he his moving back into the sober living house. I am proud of him for making this step.
    Take care.
    Shelley in SK

  3. OH MY GOODNESS. I remember when B sold the beautiful truck we bought him for 500.00! He did use a little of it towards a motorcycle which of course is now gone but I had just bought him new tires a couple weeks before that cost more than 500.00. Now he says he wishes he never sold it, well of course dumb ass. He sold it because it was too much on gas and a bike would let him be free, run from police easier and have plenty of money left over for drugs.

    I am so happy that he is back in sober living. That is where he needs to be and the fact that he made the choice is wonderful.

    So, so sorry you are going through this. I am using my iPad to and it takes twice as long to comment!

  4. UGH.......Glad he is back on track!

  5. This darn disease! We all know relapse is part of it.. but when it happens, our world comes crashing down again and it brings us back to the beginning.

    I think it's great that D is being given another chance. At least he knows where to go, who to call, etc to get back on track. I hope he can find peace in this next start over stage.

    I did put a list of "free" rehabs up on my blog, there are some longer term ones there, maybe one of them would help him kick this once and for all?

    My thoughts and prayers are with you guys! Hugs, K

  6. Thank you all so much again,...I so needed your comments. Kelly, I'm going to look at that,...I don't know yet what will happen as he goes forward, of course.

  7. Wasn't done yet,..also wanted to say,...Dawn,...not sure yet how much he's really on track, but time will surely tell. Lauren, awesome about how your son's doing ! And $3, awful, what a waste

    Tori,...ugh,...right after new tires too, much does that just piss ya off ? : (. And that running from the cops thing,..I was wondering why I kept seeing D not wear his seatbelt in the car and how he'd got out of the habit of it,...after having always done so. Just recently, he told me it was because he never used to wear it so he could run from cops easier , like B said,....incredible. : (

    Shelley,..thank you so much for your comments on my posts. I've been so touched by your prayers for D. Thank you so very much. It means a lot to me.

  8. Oh wow - I don't know how - but I missed this post. I'm hoping D finds the road back to recovery.
    I find it interesting that he called you to confess, maybe to see if you would rescue him (which would probably be my first instinct). I so need to learn from this because, unfortunately, I see the writing on the wall for my son. OK Sorry, how did I bring that around to being about me???
    You and D are in my thoughts and prayers.