Monday, March 14, 2011

Where he is now

Well, first, it was hard to post...and then, I guess, I just kept putting it off. Court did not go well for D. : ( No, not at all. It will go forward to a trial, and is set for April 12th, possession of cocaine, if convicted, a felony. It's quite a story...maybe I'll save the details for another post. But, the bottom line is that D had a "God moment" as he describes it that day (back in Oct.) He was with a friend who was really "messed up" and D suddenly looked around him and "saw evil"(yes, D's words)...and said, "I wanted no more of drugs right then." In fact, he called me at that moment,...I told him to get out of there, away from there....."there" was a crappy motel down at the beach, ugh. How they were there that day is another side story.....and D stupidly put the room in his name. Anyway, D decided to get out of there....and his friend wouldn't leave and was in a very bad state....more than I realized from what he said on the phone. D went to the motel clerk, ...said he wanted the room not in his name anymore....but his friend wouldn't leave. D also said, "and I don't want anything to do with what's going on in there" (not the thing to say) the clerk called the cops.

By the time the police came, D had left. His friend was caught red-handed, with coke in the room, with him, in him, etc.. However, the cops looked at the friend's phone, saw D's number, (who had repeatedly called the friend back) and called D. During the course of the conversation with the cop, D said that he'd "done a line"(ugh).......and although he was never seen by the police nor found with anything on him nor in him,....that's the evidence that they're going with, which could be a lifelong felony.

D is back in Florida,....left the same day as the hearing, when he learned that it will go to a trial. (His idea to immediately return that day, plus he had to get back to work). He initiated leaving here where we live to go to FLA. to a treatment actually paid (woo hoo) ...only for 3 wks. , but still....that was good. (no detox needed, so only 3 wks. vs 4). He went to the rehab. for 3 wks. and since then (from early Jan.),he went to a sober living home.

In fact, he went to a 2nd sober living home since people were getting high in the first one. I apologize....for I know I'm repeating myself for some prior blog posts.

So,...meanwhile....oh do I really say it all here ? Since then....D has got a job, thrived in the 2nd sober living home.....goes to meetings every times, more than 1 per day, has a sponsor , and is working the steps....really doing all of the work on them. (his sponsor is quite great from what I can tell). He even now has a girlfriend (also in not so sure on how that will all go),...and recently , got his license, and a CAR ! (yes, we helped some, but not all the way, with the car, he now has paychecks that helped contribute to that.)

D is all of the things that we'd hoped he would start to behave as..... considerate, patient, motivated, responsible (that one is truly hard to get used to !),.....he plans ahead (go figure, he CAN do that !), gets up early (? !), ...hard working, etc. etc.

Anyway.....he's doing VERY well....and now April 12th remains as a challenge that looms over him/....and I admit, me.....well, us.

That's what is happening here.....and there , in Florida. And ya know what? I really miss him. Damn, if we didn't get the horribly behaving, lying, stealing, addict these past 4 plus years. And now that he's so together and what I know is the "real D",...he's not even where we can see him, least not very often.

But....if being there is what saves his life and helps him maintain his recovery, then that's o.k. and so be it.

Hanging on in the meantime and finally am able to take a sigh of least for now. I realize there IS NO guarantee.


  1. So happy for D and you! It is amazing how different they are. For the last few years I didn't even know who he was. I was so happy the last couple of weeks when he was in rehab and I saw what a great man was emerging. I guess for now I will hold on to that and pray. Reading how well and mature D is becoming gives me hope.

  2. I'd never have thought that D would be the one another parent would be wishing their kid would be emulating...not even least not anytime in the recent past.

    But that good kid can still be in there....yes, he can. He still has stuff to work on, but progress is being made.

    thanks Tori

  3. It was in Florida that my son's Recovery Journey began in ernest and continues (3 years later).

    Hopefully court will take into consideration how well he is doing. The manager of the Sober Facility should be willing to write some type of testimonal for D.

    I know that Florida is a long way away. But distance is the backbone of recovery. They've got to get away from all those triggers.

    Hope all goes well at Court. Suffering the consequences of those past actions is often times depressing. But if his mind is set on Recovery, he'll do it.

    God Bless

  4. Thanks Yaya,...and yes, I so understand the need for him to be away from all those triggers, ..and more importantly, so does he ! He actually couldn't wait to leave regarding that much as he was sad in another way, that he "can't even live near his family" as he put it. But,...especially for now and what I'd say is a long time in the near future, he needs that. As I said, all we all pray for is his recovery and healthy life, wherever it is. Thanks for your comment. I am grateful for everything that's happening with him...and will deal with court as it comes.

  5. Does he have an attorney? I would hate to see him go to prison and/or have a felony on his record and if this goes to trial....well it just doesn't look good. What exactly is the charge that he's being tried for? He might be found guilty of a lesser charge, but to be honest, it sounds really bad for him. I don't say that to scare you and please don't be mad at me. I just spend a lot of time in court and watch the difference between what happens to the people with the public defenders and those with hired lawyers. I said I would NEVER pay for Kev to have an attorney, but of all the thousands we've spend on him, the money paid to her was the best used and has literally changed the course of his life. There is no doubt that Kev would be in jail or prison today if he hadn't had someone advocating for him.

    Its awesome that he's doing so good. I am thrilled about that part and hope that no matter what happens he will not go backwards. Being away from home is probably best for him now, as much as you miss the New D !

  6. Barbara,....oh man,...I'd never be upset with you for saying that. I know you say whatever you say with only the best of intentions anyway. And yes,..oh yes, he does have an attorney....a very skillful,and expensive one. And yeah....we'd said that we'd NEVER pay for an attorney again, and here we are. (yes....people can hammer me now about that) And yes, some of the $ we have spent HAS changed the course of his life in a better, does that jive with enabling ? And believe me, I am not in any way endorsing enabling....but I think you know what I mean.

    The charge is possession of cocaine, which had been D's DOC, along with weed. Since that's a controlled substance/narcotic,...there is no misdemeanor on that. And since D has prior drug charges(misdemeanor possession and poss. with intent to distr. as a juvenile....with weed), ...well, depends on the judge, in a big way. The one he had for the preliminary hearing...yikes...she is brutal, and known for being so. I "think" he's getting someone else (we hope) for the actual trial.

    I realize that it doesn't sound good....sure do know that. :( The only thing the attorney is thinking he'll go with is that the state has to prove "when" what he said he did refers to,...that doesn't mean then, in that room, since all of his actions indicated otherwise. It's not easy for me emotionally while leading up to his court date on April 12th. Yet, weird and hard to describe....and this may be because he's now doing so much better.....really really better in every way, especially in his thinking and actions overall,...but I just have been somehow able to put this on a shelf in my mind/emotions this time. I am not feeling tortured mentally while leading up to the date as I've been in the past. I know it could go very badly, and certainly, D knows that too. But,I figure if it does, I'll deal with my thoughts and feelings on it at that time. Obviously, I want it to go well, and for D to continue on in Fla. as he is now doing. Time will tell soon.
    Thank you for commenting.

  7. The big difference this time from all the others is D. I know from a parents perspective we can see all the crap associated with trials, lawyers felony's misdemeanors and everything else. But keep perspective, D saw the light.

    Alex went to jail many times. He has a felony on his record. He spends every night and weekend in jail now. He has been to El Dorado State Prison. You read my posts. See the difference? D's change is what will sustain him.

    Even Alex admits, going to jail clean is sad but it is better than life outside dirty.

    Do what you can. Love that boy and make sure he knows you support his recovery. Alex also told me lat night he was under 70 days to release. One day at a time. Funny he doesn't count days clean. Right now he is only counting days until he gets to live to his potential.

  8. I so enjoyed reading your update. It is posts like yours that give me and others hope. Hope is vital, without it, what is left?

    I will be in prayer for his continued recovery.