Monday, July 25, 2011

Nature of the Beast

 I was awakened this morning by the beep of a text coming into my cell phone...which was on my nightstand. I don't normally do that anymore(have my cell in the bedroom when I sleep),..but old habits die hard I guess.  Yes, it was D...with a text.."are you awake?"  Well, I am now,...I knew something must be up, but I didn't have that old start of the heart feeling that I always used to have...yay me.   Anyway...I texted him back that I was awake and he called me. 

Last night, the guy that is part owner of the business of his sober living house, Mark, (remember me crowing about how great he's been to D ?..just recently), relapsed on crack (ugh!), and apparently, did so with $180 of D's money.  Since D had relapsed in June, he's been turning over his paycheck (once cashed) and the $ has been held in a lock box in the house, and D can only get small amounts out at a time, with consistent explanation of what it's being used for. Only Mark, or the actual house manager, Mike, have access to the lock box.    In fact, just a few days ago,.. D called us and asked if he could take all of the money he's saving and put it into his bank account (yes, he does still have one..hardly anything in it), and from there, if we could transfer most of it into our account, which is linked to it and we can access online. We were going to get that done today.  He said the money was building up(imagine that)  in cash in the house and that MARK suggested he get it out of the house and into the bank. ( Seems to me that Mark knew it was tempting him ?) During that conversation, D said that he'd feel better if we did that anyway,...because he was becoming concerned/suspicious that Mark may be using again. takes one to know one, right ? I asked why and he said that Mark was behaving a bit differently...isolating, etc.. We can all relate to watching those subtle signals, can't we ?     Anyway, he told his suspicions to Mike, who had also become concerned and then an hour after D had been into and out of the lock box with Mike and counted his money in front of Mike....Mark had gone into the box. As soon as he left the house, Mike and D counted it again,..and bingo,...D's money was missing.  : (   So, Mike called Mark...repeatedly, no answer. Then, he called Trish,(who lives in a different house) who is the main owner of their business and told her...who called Mark and got him to answer. Mark was told to not come back to the house....he told Trish that he was going to go and check himself into some place...don't know where.   Then, early this morning, Mark shows up and D heard him come in...and asked him why he was there. He acted like nothing was wrong, if D didn't know. So, D had to go and wake up Mike, who did get Mark to leave,...fortunately. D told me he was pretty nervous in talking to Mark at first....for he knew enough not to want to argue with a guy who may be high on crack, and is about 6 ft. 5 in. at that !   Sigh , sigh, sigh.....I am sad.    As I'd said with a previous post,...Mark did SO SO much to help D stay clean,...more than you'd expect he even would,..using his own time and at times his own money, so that D wouldn't be isolated,...would be able to do some things for fun, ..go out for pizza or a movie.  He drove D back and forth to work each day for 30 days, brought him to his dr.'s appt.s, to get his prescriptions filled,...called me to double check on D's  medicine and let me know how D was doing.  And of course,..none of that was was a beautiful example of an addict helping another addict.  He talked to me on the phone, telling me how he was trying to make sure D knew what his disease would do to him if D didn't fully work on his recovery, actively, every day. He stressed to D that he would indeed be homeless, without support of even his family, if he didn't give his all to his recovery.....and now's Mark that's homeless,...once again.  Apparently, he's been so before, and for extended periods of time.   I just am so sad about him...although I've never even met him. all are probably thinking what hit me pretty readily about this happening.  Well D, you know what it feels like to have someone steal from you to get drugs....not fun, is it ?  I hadn't said anything yet about that, and D said..."I am not happy he did this,obviously, and hate what he's doing to himself,...but I really can't be angry at him,...after how many times I've done the same thing....mainly to you and dad."  That's for sure !  Try going through this for YEARS.  It still hurts,...although I really try to release it...holding onto resentment isn't good for any of us...and I do see it as a symptom of his disease. I don't excuse his behavior of stealing...but his disease does certainly help explain it.   I'll even admit....I'm surely not glad that this happened...especially for Mark himself,..but there was a small part of me that took pleasure (and felt bad about doing so) that D was experiencing how it felt to be stolen from.  As I said...I'm not proud of feeling that,..but I am human,...not Jesus.  

   So, as much as Mark "seemed" to be doing the right things....his demon of addiction was lying in wait within him.  : (    I asked D why he thought this happened,...and he said, "As soon as he started having those thoughts....he didn't tell someone,...he kept it to himself,..but he needed to tell someone/ie. his sponsor and reach out."     I just hope that D uses this (and others living in his house as well) to cement in his brain that he must be vigilant and remain proactive about his recovery. 

    Praying for Mark, D and your addicts as well.



  1. My son had almost the same exact experience in his sober house. It sucks.

  2. That is so incredibly sad. My oldest nephew was sober off Meth for 3 years before he relapsed again. He hadn't ever recovered financially from when he was active but at least finally had his own place...a room he was renting from someone.

    I feel bad for the Guy because from your posts it was obvious how much he was trying to help D. He will be in my prayers. I hope it was short lived and he goes right back to recovery.

    And, I understand how you feel. Anytime, B has something stolen from him which is often because of the people he associates with, I don't feel bad for him. He makes such a big deal out of it and it almost makes me mad. Does he not remember the thousands he has stolen from me and my Mom? Not to mention from many other hard working people who come out to their car to find items missing. At least D "gets" it.

  3. yep,...that's the challenge of living with other addicts. I'm most concerned about Mark...I talked more with D today about him, just made me so sad. Apparently, he did check himself into a facility...but is so distraught that he's currently on suicide watch. D says that he can tell that Mark has some really tough background in his life that he never speaks of,..always behaves to hide it in his demeanor, but D said that you can tell there's a lot of pain there. Obviously, he's done well for quite awhile, since he was one of the people running the place, part owner of it. I hope he can turn it around again.

  4. Tori, believe took time and lots of treatment for D to get it,...and of course, that doesn't mean he couldn't do the same again. D just got out of his 4th rehab in January,...and this is his 3rd sober living house,..actually his 4th, if you count 1 he was only in for not even 2 weeks earlier this year,..but left due to people using there. And also, his first treatment place (at only 16 yr.s old) was a wilderness program that he lived at for 3 1/2 mo.s. This has been a long journey...and it's taken a lot for D to think the way he's thinking at the moment.

  5. So very sad. Its like the cycle keeps repeating itself with so many addicts...but then there are the ones who break the cycle and move forward and that's my hope for all of ours. We know a few that are "free" now and they give me hope.

  6. We sent our son to a sober living house in Arizona (all the way across the country, pd for flight, bus to house, etc). After a couple weeks the owner of the house took off with a 17 year old girl from another sober house and they went on a crack binge in Mexico.

    At the last sober house (before he came home this time), the house manager hung himself on New Year's Eve. He had 15 years sobriety, and was very active in the local AA.

    When you "get involved" in the drug addict world (by way of a loved one) you are going to hear the most unbelievable stories...

  7. I know Lou,'re right...and those stories are awful. What you just wrote about that house manager...that's just so terrible. :(