20 years ago today

It was 20 years ago today....no, not when Sargent Pepper taught the band to play,..but when I gave birth to a baby boy....a very beautiful baby.  He was planned for, prayed for,..a much wanted little blessing. He was delivered by cesarean,...even though his older siblings had been born the natural way. D had turned in the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy, and was breech, butt first...couldn't be delivered that way. In fact, we'd tried what's called a "version",..where the doctors tried to turn him around, while still within me (I wouldn't recommend this to anyone) but he'd just turn right around again...his way, or no way...not surprising once we got to know him. Although he slept through the night from 12 days old (amazing !), he made up for it with colic...screaming his little head off every evening, from about 4 to 10:30 p.m., unless I jogged around the family room with him continuously. He did that from about 1 mo. old, 'til 4 1/2 mo.s.  He had his ideas about everything he wanted and was not to be swayed on many things he wanted.  If we tried to go away, out of town, to visit Grandma or another relative....you could forget him sleeping,..he HAD to have his own crib.  He was an adorable little toddler, but always had his own ideas of how things should be, must be.  Later on,..he turned that all into a good thing...he was our little "rule follower"...yes..truly. He had to do things a certain way. In fact, he was the one who we had to work on letting know that it was OK to sometimes vary what we usually did....we didn't always have to do everything the same way each time....that he could be flexible,...that routines could actually also be flexible.

  He went to school and did everything he was supposed to do,...academically did very well, as well as behaviorally. Accolades all around. This continued on and on,....until he met up with DRUGS.  This sweet, empathetic, loving boy was changed....at first, subtly, but then dramatically,...until he became someone that we didn't recognize, nor could fathom. Pain and drama and episodes with police followed for years....repeatedly, repeatedly, repeatedly....despite our very best and persistent efforts.  We and others who loved him were dumbfounded.  

   After years....we now understand a lot more of those painful times, and what led up to them.  But I still don't think we'll ever totally fathom it all.  We are now grateful to be starting to get our son back.  We pray that he can continue to be all that he was always meant to be. 

   I, for one....am more than thankful to close the chapter on those teenage years for D.  So, Happy Birthday D......may your 20s be a new beginning and a return to who you really are and can be in all that's positive in life.