Monday, August 8, 2011

That Smell

 This was written on Sat. night....but interrupted.  The daughter and fiance are here now ! : )

     It's something how one small thing can trigger the memory of painful times.  Our daughter and her fiance are arriving tomorrow, to visit for 2 weeks here at our home...and then another additional week up north with the extended family...(I'm going with them to visit : ) )'s quite a BIG deal around here...being that we haven't seen our daughter for a YEAR (can you feel my emphasis?)..and even more strange...she's engaged to an Australian guy that my husband/her dad has NEVER MET yet !    I did get to know the fiance (Shaun) 2 yr.s ago when I visited them both in San Diego for a week...when S( my husband)couldn't get away from work to go with me...and yes...he's wonderful,...even though they do live in Australia,...but plan to move to the U.S. in a few years, after my daughter is done with graduate school..but I digress.,'s been shape up central here at the homefront....S and I have been busting butt to get everything all looking good,...the house in order,...touch up painting, hanging new name it.   We're having a big engagement party for them here next weekend on the 13th....yes, D is coming here from Fla. to attend and will be here from Fri. to Mon..   So....early this evening.....I went into the bedroom to look into the drawers that they can use for their clothes while staying here (and yeah..that's a whole other thing...them staying here together in the same room, ...but they live really...).  I wanted to make sure they were all cleaned  out,..etc.,...and the dresser that's in the bedroom I just put together (we're empty nesters now...yaay) was from D's old room...and lo and the top drawer in the corner of the drawer...what was it I found ?   A small amount of pot/weed....are we surprised ? still, caught me off guard.  I really had thought that we'd purged every last iota of what D had in this house, not that he really had leftovers.   But don't ever count him out on that ...

 For some crazy reason...I picked up some of it between my fingers and crushed it with my fingernails....and smelled it, to be sure it really was what I thought it much so.  The smell of it struck me so strongly....brought back such memories of painful, terrible times with D...that it gave me an instant and strong feeling of sadness and pain.  It was like an immediate journey backward to bad times and bad feelings. Two things that can instantly do that are often music and smells,...powerful memory triggers.  D's big problem became cocaine....although there were certainly many other side drugs along the way....but weed had always been a constant, and also where he started,...and continued with, and sold....oh man, did he sell it.  : (   That was what was his most common legal problem.  God knows we could never keep ziplock baggies in stock in our house....ugh.     Sooo, as a result, the smell of weed is something that is just like a punch in the stomach for me, strongly...way too many painful associations.  Ironic....considering my fondness for it during the '70s. 

  Anyway....sights, sounds, smells,.....triggers for us, as well as them.  I still am adjusting to not cringing at the sight of police, the sound of sirens , ...and obviously....that smell.  Time will tell...



  1. Amazing how something like that brings it all flooding back to us. I hope your visit goes well with everyone and you have a blast! Look forward to hearing about it! Hugs, Kelly

  2. I think I have to be the only person on the face of the earth who does not know what pot smells like. I don't think I have ever smelled it. If I have, I didn't know what I was smelling. I've never smoked pot and was never even around it in high school or college. I was in a sorority and went to many parties. I'm not sure how I avoided it, but I did nonetheless.

    Have a wonderful visit. I want all the details when the dust settles.

  3. Isn't it wonderful to have a relationship like that with your daughter. I'm closer now to my daughter than I ever was. It's a time to enjoy her as an adult, to marvel at what she is doing with her life, to love the woman she has grown into. We had a huge shower for our daughter back in April. It was so much fun, with friends coming from all over.

    It will be hectic, but a memory you will always cherish I'm sure.

    PS the pot. I feel we were too nonchalant about our kids doing that because we had grown up with it. If I had it to do over, I would never have admitted to either one of them that we smoked pot.

  4. My personal opinion is our kids view pot as just fine because of the legalization of it at least where I am. I know so many people my age or way older that smoke it every day and think there is nothing wrong with it because they would never do anything else.

    If they haven't experienced what we have it is hard for them to understand why I have an issue with it.

    I can't wait to hear how the party is...that is so exciting. With Blake in jail and Tyler in Alaska I am an empty nester too and I don't like it. Not at all. Have a great party and visit!

  5. Sounds like a really good time. Enjoy each wonderful moment.

    Pot was never a problem with my son because he moved so quickly to cocaine etc. I don't think I know what it smells like.