Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Shit on our shoes

 We got a letter in the mail here at our house....or I should say, D got a letter...from the DMV. S(hubby/father) opened it.  It says that D's license has been revoked, for 6 mo.s, since June 7th !  Apparently, it's taken this long for the administrative process of the court to get this to happen...and let D/us know of it.   On June 7th, D was convicted of a misdemeanor charge of possession of drug paraphernalia. If you've read this blog before, you know that it was a huge break for him...in that it was originally a felony charge of possession of a controlled substance(cocaine) and he was very fortunate to have it reduced to what it was, a misdemeanor charge of paraphernalia.  However, from what we can decipher so far...from looking up the law code....in our state (VA.)...there is now a statute (I think that is what is what it is) that then automatically revokes the license of a drug convicted person for 6 mo.s...even if the drug offense had nothing to do with driving or didn't even occur in a vehicle ?   This was pretty surprising to us(and to D), since he's had other prior drug offenses that didn't automatically revoke his license, nor did the judge (or D's attorney) ever mention anything about this the day he was in court and convicted.  We e-mailed the attorney about this, haven't yet heard a reply about it...and of course, notified D right away.

    Surprisingly....D, although not at all happy about this turn of events....stopped driving right away, despite needing to get back and forth from work 5 or 6 days per week, which he does by driving. In fact, after having relapsed in June, and not having driving privileges for 30 days...he's not yet even had his car back yet for 30 days.     Meanwhile....I'm still (at least somewhat) thinking.....how's he going to work this out until early December ?  How will he be able to keep getting rides from others for that long?...yada yada yada.  I'm not as freaked out about it as I would have been in the past,...I have indeed made some progress in this journey, despite needing to still need so much more of it,..but still...     I was actually somewhat flabbergasted that D wasn't upset, ...incessantly nagging about when would the attorney know or let us know if this is for sure....could anything be done to change it, etc..  But, truly...nothing.  He's waiting, like we are, to just be doubly sure that this is not some glitch that is inaccurate (doubtful),..and is busy doing other daily things in the meantime, without AT ALL obsessing about it, and most of all,...NOT driving, nor whining about not driving.   I couldn't help but say to him..."You seem to be pretty accepting of all of this...not having a hard time with it."  His comment was, "Well, I'm just trying to accept life on life's terms" (AA/NA slogan)  But still....geez,...I was quite amazed.  Is this for real ?  D's reaction to this ?   Is he just lying about that?  Still driving and telling me this ? ????   I know I could find out by calling his house manager...but I've controlled myself and didn't do that.  We have done our best to impress upon him that if he did still drive, and there was (God forbid) an accident...insurance wouldn't cover him with a revoked license and all kinds of other trouble would follow. 

   I told my brother (one of D's most ardent and loving supporters,mind you)about it, and his comment was "Well,...if you walk around in dog shit long enough,...even when you're away from it....a long time later,..you look down and find out there's still a little shit on your shoe.  It just takes so long to really get it all off."  You'd have to know my brother....but he's quite a wonderful man and usually always has a witty comment....as well as the ability to make me smile/laugh in many of life's most troubling situations, thankfully. 

   So,what I'm saying here is that yes,...D still has some shit on his shoe,...despite his current efforts to not walk in shit anymore.  And apparently....I do too,...for mine is the reaction to his reaction....in that it's hard to believe and fathom his reaction, as well as my mind wondering how he'll navigate all of this new challenge and keep his job, etc..    Is this making sense ?   Time will tell....


  1. Public Transportation is readily available in Florida. My son has never had a car and managed to get everywhere he needed to go via bike/bus.

    In Florida most buses have racks for bikes.

    Takes a bit of planning and more time to travel. But it saves on gas, maintenance and insurance.

    3+ years into his sobriety he has opted to remain car-free.

    D will do fine. He'll figure it out.

    God Bless

  2. If this were MY son we were talking about, the odds are he would most likely be lying and still driving if he had access to a car out of my line of sight. No doubt about it. Convenience first, consequences later is his mantra.

    My son had the same charge and same conviction. He did not lose his license, although that would have been a good punishment now that I think about it.

  3. I like the description your brother gave. Even after all the ca ca is gone sometimes the smell lingers.

  4. Since I work in Abingdon, VA as a legal assistant for an attorney who does court appointed cases I can verify that yes, in VA, if you plead guilty or are convicted of a drug offense (any kind), the license is suspended for 6 months, no exceptions.... On the bright side, 2 months are almost over!

  5. Thanks Bristol ! I figured it was correct, but (unfortunately) he's been convicted of a drug offense before, and I swore he's had his license then...but guess I am not remembering it correctly, within the awful continuum of all that's happened over the last 4 yr.s.. I always say that I would have kept a log(of the various terrible events and drama)....but know that I'd really never want to go back and read it later. And yes...you're right...2 mo.s are almost over, so that is a good point. But geez,...wouldn't you think D's attorney, never mind the judge, would have thought to mention this..ie."by the way, your driver's license is now revoked, so don't be driving." For the $$ he got, you'd think he'd point out that very important detail. Oh well...

    Yaya...yes, you're right....thank God for public transportation,and he will figure it out. I love that your son is still saving that gas $...awesome. :)

    Not My Boy...yes, convenience first, possible consequences later...that has been D's modus operandi as well....at least, it was. I'm hoping it's not anymore....from what he's saying and from what we know.

    Terri....yep, ain't that the truth ? It follows for a time,...that's for sure...for them and for us.

    Madyson...oh, you have no idea...he's a gem. :)

  6. Whenever I stepped back, which wasn't often enough, and let my son figure it out on his own, he always did. My son was a lot smarter than I gave him credit for.

  7. VJ....love that! I try to tell my son that he is very resourceful and very smart and that he can figure his way out of any problem. Those are the times I don't jump into mommy mode and try to fix it for him.

  8. Its the law here too, Keven had his revoked once. I like your brother! I may steal his shoe/shit analogy :)

    You are doing better, and so is D, progress is being made!

  9. My son's attorney told us about the 6 month suspension. Virginia seems one of the worst states for drug penalties.

    I am amazed at how well your son is taking it! Thankfully he's already 1/3 done.