waiting/ looking forward.....

We finally found out today, after much waiting, that our son's attorney will finally meet with the judge, along with the prosecutor, on Tuesday, to see if D's bond can be amended, allowing him to go to Florida for treatment. The prosecutor seems pretty set on not letting it happen...so who knows what will be. D NEEDS to get out of here and work on his recovery...D says that himself,..he WANTS to go ! Funny though(not ha ha type funny)....at the same time, he's still using,...although "trying" to not use,...but not at a meeting tonight either. :( He did go and check in for his first time (currently, not first IOP ever) with the IOP guy, who's told him he does need to go to NA meetings daily...so now he's planning to start doing that "tomorrow", as well as drinking a LOT of water for his next drug test. He told me that he actually hates using....but on the way to use...he gets "all excited about it". Ugh...you KNOW how sick this makes me to describe. Yet...he said that as soon as he begins to use (cocaine)....he gets down, hates it....doesn't even like it, but is compulsive about doing it again. It's all just so sick. And, as much as I truly HATE saying this here, but somehow feel like I should,...he stole $60 from my purse a couple of days ago. I know...he should be put out of here,...but I keep thinking he's leaving in a few days (we're hoping),so we haven't made him leave now. I realize how lame this sounds. (We have put him out of the house in the past....and he's had over 100 days clean in the past....not that long, but still) And in the meantime....he just tells me how miserable he is every day. I know he is, but then again....it makes me feel the same way, miserable. Last night, he stayed up all night,doing drugs, alone,...'til 7 a.m. this morning (he told me today when I got home from work),...slept 'til 5 p.m. today. It's all just so dark, pathetic,...at times, surreal. Please don't tell me how sick and out of control he is....I know. And I know how enabling this current situation appears as well. I just want him to be able to leave and go to treatment...and have a chance. It often feels hopeless. He has gone to 3 treatment centers before....he's been an addict since he was 15,..and now this is where we are. In the meantime, I pray. Thank God for these blogs...reading others' blogs and being able to know we're not alone. So few people I know really know the actual specifics of drug addiction,....lucky them.