how many of us are still singing this song ? : (

         Love this song - but it also makes me so sad.....

Another Question

   First of all - thank you SO much for your replies.  Especially thanks to Lou for her e-mail rehearsing her family's personal experience with Narconon.  Narconon is out for my friend's son.  And I forgot - this will be his 3rd rehab - not 2nd,..I forgot one of them.  She's asking of anyone of you know of a place called St Jude's in New York State.  Probably a lot of you have heard of it - who knew we'd all become so well versed in rehab places ?   It's a non- 12 step program,...so that's obviously atypical - but the reason they're considering it.  Her son, B, hasn't ever really bought into or  connected with AA or NA - so they thought this may be better.  I don't know - is that B's unwillingness to do "whatever it takes" ?   I am not saying that the 12 steps are the only way to lasting recovery ,..not at all - just hoping B is sick & tired ENOUGH to do what's needed to really recover.
    My friend, also B, ..is very special to me.  We taught 4th grade together for 4 years - as team teaching partners.  She taught all the language arts and I taught all the math & science to 2 classes that switched back & forth between our classrooms. When I came to this school I was paired with her to teach - and who knew that we'd hang on to each other for support and sanity through the worst times of our lives, both as mothers of addict sons.  Out of all the other teachers I could have been paired with - I was teamed with this woman whose son's problems began to grow & then just spiraled into a horrible addiction to heroin. He's 2 years older than D,..and then - D was right behind him - like the same age pattern of drugs & trouble.  In fact, although B's been in plenty of trouble, my D's been in more (arrested 6 times. : (. ) -given his former penchant for drug dealing & inability to keep his mouth shut around cops.  Never will understand that one.     But my friend, B, and I related to each other on so many levels - do not know how I'd have made it this far with any semblance of sanity without her - and all of you !!    So what were the odds, as I said, of being paired with another teacher in the school whose son was an addict- right when I needed it most, ...and so did she.  That - Ive always thought was a God thing - just am sure of it, and very grateful for it.

   Hoping B will really turn this around - just as I do for all of our sons & daughters.  Any info on St Jude's- am all ears & will pass it on.  Thanks. 

Need info

Hi all - haven't posted in forever - but still read about you & yours daily.  At some point soon I'll do an update on how we're doing here.  D's no longer in the horror show he was in back in Aug. & September, thank God !  He's not yet where he needs to be, but definitely progressing - and living back here in VA., nearby,...just moved into an apartment with a friend that we've known since they were 10 yr,s old.  And amazingly- D's going to school again, at the local community college - taking 5 classes.  Like I said- will catch you up on him later. All isn't wonderful - still plenty of concern for how he's doing, decisions he makes etc. 

   Meanwhile, a good friend of mine- my former teaching partner, has a son who's an addict- addicted to heroin.  Was doing well for awhile (not really though) on suboxone- and is now a mess again. She called me after work today- saying they're going to send him to a rehab (his 2nd) - the other was quite awhile ago - at least a couple of years or more ago. She asked what I knew about Narconon - specifically their place in San Diego county - the Sunshine Summit Lodge.  I took to you bloggers - the ones I trust way more than just reading Internet reviews.  I did a quick search & it sounds like a nightmare - is run by Scientology.  I don't know much at all about Scientology other than its association with Tom Cruise & John Travolta - which isn't informative, obviously.  From the little I've read so far - wouldn't spend my $ at Sunshine Summit Lodge or let my son anywhere near there. But thought I'd ask all of you if you know of anyone personally who went through or knows of someone who did a Narconon program. Any info. would be appreciated.  

    I remain praying for your sons & daughters recovery.  

He's here

Just thought I'd check in briefly.  SO busy this week !   We're gearing up to the big  day and it has been quite hectic, but in a very good way.   We've had the grooms family here since Mon. Night,..nit staying here at our house,but very close by, & getting to know them & their other family members & friends.  They're all so wonderful !   It's amazing to me,...at least 35 of them have come over here for the wedding, just think what that takes in time, effort, travel, & $$. Lots of $$ to be here.   It's beautiful, to bond these 2 families & members of different countries, all of the love of our daughter& her fiancé.  We've all been having such a wonderful time.  I'll elaborate later once the wedding is over

 So,.....onceI heard it from the house manager yesterday, that D tested clean (Yaay),  ...we gave the green light for him to come & he arrived about noon today. We had a by gathering here at our home tonight, with many family members & friends, & so far, D came through. He was pleasant & social, & polite & interacted w/ everyone's, getting to know the groom's family etc.  It would be easy for someone to be fooled into thinking it is impossible for this young man to have been smoking crack & almost homeless less than 2 weeks ago,...& very desperate.

   Please let the rest of the weekend go the way today & tonight have been for D & for us...

Decision.

Oh boy,..it really would be too much to catch up all that's happened    It's been a crazy train of a week,..let's just say that.  I have papers to grade right now before going to bed, & not much time to write.  The bottom line is that our daughter, D's big sister, is getting married in 10 days.  Therefore, we need to decide, by tomorrow, do we let him come, & be a part of this huge family event, or not,...because we can't guarantee that all will go well ?  He's supposed to be one of the ushers,...his tux is ready to be picked up next week.

 He's now (thank God) back in his original sober living house, as a result of his own attempts to get help. This was after many days of staying alone in the house he'd been living in,  with no $, & then the power shut off (since the bill wasn't paid) & he was hot (Fla. & no AC), & in the dark alone once the sun went down. This has been going on since the weekend when he couldnt go into detox & we wouldn't give him any $.  I will admit, I did have a pizza delivered that I ordered  online 2 times.

  He's desperately begging to be there.  His sister doesn't know the depths that he's recently gone to,..but does now know that he's "not been doing well recently", & is leaving it up to the judgement of S (my husband ) & me.  She does not at all want anything negative to color any of the wedding weekend, ...understandably, or to be worrying about him if he takes off in the middle of the might or causes any worry or upset,...none of us do, of course.  D says that the last thing he'd ever want I do is to "screw up" any part of this,...but is also so upset to think he'd possibly not be able to come,..for such a big family event,... as the only person of the family "not good enough to come",... his words, not mine.  S has been very much against D coming, but late last night said  that he'd go along with it, if that's what I wanted this much,..& was this important to me. Truly, I just know its because he can't stand to see my pain on this,...because it really has been ripping my heart out.  What I haven't  shared is that D recently stole $ from us during this last run/nightmare. It's so so awful,...he actually managed to get into our savings account & ripped off  almost $3,000 !!  It was there for stuff we were paying for, for the wedding,...& ironically, he himself called us & told us before it was discovered, & said to block him somehow,  that we should call the police, & he was ready to go to prison if that's what would happen,..etc., & was crying & very remorseful,..as he obviously should be !  It's weird, because S is one who goes onto the online banking site every morning,..but wasnt  checking any savings $, just checking balance, plus it was on the weekend when he's not looking at it as much.  And believe me,.it could have been worse moneywise, NOT that I'm minimizing what D did !  Quite the contrary.   S hasn't spoken to him since,...he's been SO pissed about it (no wonder)& only I have had contact with D.   No one else has known but us two, until last night when S told M, D's older brother, our oldest son. M was quite enraged, & bummed out,...& thought that no way should D be allowed to come,...& M has always been in D's corner & done SO much for him. Although, M got to a point where he's basically protected his heart & is always skeptical on D's progress at staying clean (no surprise) while also praying/hoping for his success.

  I'm so torn,...I VERYmuch want D with us,..but just as much want nothing at all to be a problem that would diminish our daughter & future son in law's big day/weekend. And not for nothing, I've been busting my butt full out for months & months to get everything done & prepare for this.  We've got all kinds of people coming from Australia (groom's family & close friends) that we've never even met yet. Not staying here in our house, but close by & will be here with is us a lot during the days leading up to the wedding, on the 29th, a week fom Saturday

 D says he'll do whatever we ask to be here,...including sleeping in our room like he did when he was 15 & his addiction problems began,...in my attempt to get some sleep & stop him from sneaking out @ night,...that he was really known for.  Oh God,..we've been dealing with this for sooo long.  I know you reading this understand.

  Your thoughts ???

A new day,....trying to have a new plan

Well....the story continues, and believe  me, I'm SO behind on explaining the back story prior to my last couple of posts, maybe I'll catch that part up at some point.  But isn't this journey of our addicts and for many parts, ours) usually convoluted,...twists and turns, not any type of straight sequence logical stuff. 

   Not knowing what would happen and sitting with our sad and fed up feelings and despair, S and I sat around and talked by the fire pit last night....listened to some more music and went to bed.  Figuring that D was out in the  night in Florida, "somehow" finding that $40,....which makes me as sick as the using....maybe more so.    I woke up to the phone ringing...early, which always tends to make my heart jump. Can you relate ?  It was D,..he said that Mark was about to pick him up, who's the guy that manages one of the sober living homes he was trying to get into (the good one, well run) and he was on his way to detox....that he was willing and wanted to go.  WOW...I was thrilled of course.  And I certainly didn't have the stomach to inquire (just didn't want to know) whether or not he ever managed to get the $40 and that last high....ugh.     I hung up and then shortly thereafter, got a text from Trish, the owner of the sober living home, telling me that D was on the way to detox and that afterward she wanted him to live in the new sober living home she's opening, a decent distance away from where he was using....and how much she just loves that kid/man (D), and she knows that he's going to get it,...and he's soooo worth it (yes, that's the way she wrote it,...obviously all humans are worth it anyway, yes?, but you know what I mean).   She said that she was going to have her foot up his ass, while throwing in some love too....and if he wasn't doing what he needed to, she was ready to drag him over to her own house and have him live with her and her family.  She doesn't live in the sober living homes,..just owns them and lives in  her own home, while having a house manager on site at each place.   Anyway, my point is.....what an amazingly blessed kid/man (more kid than man) D is,..don't ya think ??   Besides a family that loves loves loves him, at his most unlovable too,...he has a lot of people there in the community he lives in in Florida that care so much about him,...all people he knows from NA, who are willing to help  him multiple times and SEE the real him, and the core of him that wants out of his demon, but has fallen back into letting it run his life.  I could hug each one of them, and can never ever repay them for what they've done for him in the past, and are now doing again. 
.
      OK....now onto the more continuing crazy part.  As D and Trish said, Mark drove him to the detox place.  Apparently, thinking he was all set, Mark dropped D off and drove away.  No...not what you're thinking...D didn't bolt.  He went inside, and as planned, (Mark told him to say this ), D told them he wanted help for his substance abuse and felt suicidal.  The only way they'll admit you is if you're a threat to yourself or others....unless your DOC is alcohol, opiates or benzos.  Apparently, abuse of  crack isn't deemed worthy enough of immediate treatment/detox because it's not physically addictive....and more nuts of a criteria, in my view, this could not be.    So, as the paperwork is being done, into the room steps Chuck, who was originally D's sponsor in Florida, until he (Chuck) relapsed himself...ugh.  But anyway, Chuck is sober again and works at the detox place,..has for years.  And in the middle of last night when D was calling and texting everyone he knew in NA to help him,,...that he wanted to be clean, and needed a ride to detox, Chuck was one person he called. During that phone conversation, Chuck asked D if he wanted to kill himself, and D said no, he just wanted to get clean and change his life etc..   So, while D and the detox intake person are doing the paperwork, Chuck heard and contradicted D's statement of being suicidal.  WTH.   I get it that D was lying  and truly, the one thing I keep thinking is always the right choice is truth,...but then again, why undermine D getting into detox and getting help, when it's taken as much as it has for him to surrender to that process ? 

  So, then D called around again, out on the sidewalk in front of the detox place, and found 2 friends from NA that said that they were on their way to church, but would pick him up and then he could come with them.  That's what he did and then they went to a meeting afterward.  In the meantime, Trish is back on the phone, trying to find otu whether a detox in an adjacent town will take him.   So, to be continued......   Thank God for all of those people trying to  help D....

one more high....

Despite having someone reach out to him to help....after having himself walked to an NA meeting tonight,....after all was said and done, D texted me that he was going to "find $40 somehow" tonight, to get his last high...and then would probably go to detox, as was suggested and required by those trying to help him, before they would  help him...as in letting him into the sober living houses he was begging to get into.  WTF  WTF.....  Will he be in jail tonight....or worse ??  Guess he's  not going to be at the wedding after all.