I need relief

I am a long time reader of the many blogs of parents of addicts. I know some of you so well, or so I feel,...thank God. You all have supported and nurtured me....and given me some glimpse of understanding and hope, during the long and painful journey of our son's addiction, ...these past 4 years. He is currently "trying" to be clean,....and I'm worn out,..... I KNOW that I "CAN" have that life of peace and happiness that I hear of, IF I can make my way to the light that is there for me to enjoy, whether or not he is able to actively/consistently pursue sobriety. I really want to be able to do that.....have some level of peace and happiness, and always make the most of the abundance that's present in my life, despite the challenge and pain that our son's addiction brings to us.